10 July 2016

Since eid has begun, and i've kept posting pix on fb with all sorts of status..

Thus, i have to confess.. everything that were written doesn't actually portray my true feelings.. at that moment.. at that event..

Actually, everything since i've joned all this on9 sites, nothing written were what i truly felt..

Its all a disguised to hide whats inside this heart..

Which is torn by everyone around me, especially from my own true blood; my family..

I know2.. everyone will say im just 'pitying' myself..
When many others out there are more unfortunate..

I'm truly grateful and felt blessed with all His Gifts, even with this MS desease, im grateful for having it..

But, having to face my family 'situations' each day, it felt like a burden..

i need to keep reminding myself, everything im facing is a TEST He placed for me to endure..

I have to be GRATEFUL always while i still have each of them..

😔😓


25 May 2016

Aku hanya seorang insan biasa ..

Tidak aku minta apapum dari sesiapa, namun aku tetap dipandang hina ..

Bukannya aku mohon duit mahupun harta ..

Diriku tetap seolah jelek untuk dilihat mereka ..

Apakah yang harus ku lakukan menghadapi hidup sebegini..

Setiap hari, seakan tidak lagi beerti buat diri..

Biarpun diriku berusaha menyenangkan harian mereka..

Namun, diriku tetap dicemuh tanpa jenuh..

Pernah aku diberitahu, keluarga adalah tulang belakang dalam menghadapi setiap perkara..

Akan tetapi, keluargalah punca calaran pada hatiku sehingga terluka sedalam-dalamnya..

****************
My friends all dislike me..
Though they dont say it to my face, their actions all portrayed it..
My family also dislike me if not hates me..
Always thought negative of me, when what i did was the opposite..
I know im an unwanted daughter.. since they have already one as the 1st born..
They desire a son to complete both gender, once they got 1 as the third, im totally being ignored and scolded without reasons
And since i was affected by this horrible disease, im being further thrown far from being bond as a family.

I have to wondet, why didnt they just threw me when i was born..

Or even given me to someone else..
I know i'll curse them then, but at least im free to curse & hate them.. im sooOOOOOOO DEPRESS!!!!!!

30 May 2015

Dear macaemia, berry, choco, marthy, kontot & bengkok,

I hope u guys are enjoying the after life..

Do forgive for all my wrong doings, my neglectance..

I wouldn't want to be questioned later of my responsibilties..
of adopting you guys as my beloved pets..

But do know, i really miss & love u guys..

For each of u are the only friends i had..

29 May 2015

we are nowin the month of sha'ban, notfar from the mid of it..

O Allah, let me meet the month of ramadhan.. i miss to be in it, where each deed is rewarded more and more..

Just recently my friend's dad pass away.. may Allah bless his soul..

It makes me wonder, will i able to meet the coming ramadhan.. huh, o Allah, do let me meet 'him'.. for i am lack of deeds to be weighed later for a bestful justice..

03 May 2015

today marks the 3rd day of the public hols..

and today marks a week of my sore throat with dry cough which distrupt me from enjoying my hols.. 

huhu.. i know i should be grateful of it, as it reminds me that i am still under His care..

nonetheless, it make me wonder on others out there, who might even be in a worse condition..

how do i, will i, respond to their current state if i were placed in their shoes..?

will i be sad..

will i be depress..

or will i be angry..

or distress..

Only He knows best..

no matter what situation i am or will be placed in,
i have to remember, its for the best.
for He knows i'm able to 'handle' it..

as was stated in chapter 2, verse 216 of the Quran, which somehow meant that only He knows best as in our life, there are things that happen is to our dislike, but later on its actually good for us.. and the one that we prefer to occur will actually bring more harm.. 



#reminder1

15 April 2015

Today i've attended a 'communication' training..

Hah, i know. Why do i need to attend this kind of training..

Well, 1st, i need to learn how to communicate with people professionally.. in which today i realise, my behavior to some of my colleagues, clients are not professional since my reaction are mainly based on my emotion at that momment.

So today 'Class' has taught me something..

The training will continue tomorrow. Hope the end result really taught me for my other work to come..

10 April 2015

today was ackward..
from morning i felt my legs are not strong..
each time i walk, it felt as if i'll collapse any moment..
while i was driving back home today, my leg which was stepping on the pedal vibrated..
i was quite 'shocked' or surprised of this.. but Alhamdulillah, i manage to arrive home safely..

hm.. are these the signs that im going to leave the world soon..
so, i searched on it..
my finding showed that perhaps  my time to leave is not far off..

i have to seek forgiveness from The Almighty, from the people who knows/knew me..

this also explain why anything i read recently, either books or messages are related to death.
huhu..
may He forgive me all the wrong doings..