03 December 2016

As always, every saturday of the week, will be a routine for me to wash up all my so called delicate clothes  followed with groceries shopping ...

Although today wasn't suppose to be a tiring day, yet i felt entirely exhausted while walking & driving..

Now i understood why im given the disabled 'status' with the card and appreciate it..

This disability to move around normally might be permanent in the near future, tho I really  hope it doesn't / will not occur..

14 October 2016

Almost a decade ago,i told myself, if i was infected by some sort of disease that cause me real 'headache or paint at my head', i'll accept it with an open heart...

I wonder, was this actually lead me to be gifted with this MS gift..?

Hmm.. perhaps ... who knows..cant question His arrangment for my life plan..

10 July 2016

Since eid has begun, and i've kept posting pix on fb with all sorts of status..

Thus, i have to confess.. everything that were written doesn't actually portray my true feelings.. at that moment.. at that event..

Actually, everything since i've joned all this on9 sites, nothing written were what i truly felt..

Its all a disguised to hide whats inside this heart..

Which is torn by everyone around me, especially from my own true blood; my family..

I know2.. everyone will say im just 'pitying' myself..
When many others out there are more unfortunate..

I'm truly grateful and felt blessed with all His Gifts, even with this MS desease, im grateful for having it..

But, having to face my family 'situations' each day, it felt like a burden..

i need to keep reminding myself, everything im facing is a TEST He placed for me to endure..

I have to be GRATEFUL always while i still have each of them..


25 May 2016

Aku hanya seorang insan biasa ..

Tidak aku minta apapum dari sesiapa, namun aku tetap dipandang hina ..

Bukannya aku mohon duit mahupun harta ..

Diriku tetap seolah jelek untuk dilihat mereka ..

Apakah yang harus ku lakukan menghadapi hidup sebegini..

Setiap hari, seakan tidak lagi beerti buat diri..

Biarpun diriku berusaha menyenangkan harian mereka..

Namun, diriku tetap dicemuh tanpa jenuh..

Pernah aku diberitahu, keluarga adalah tulang belakang dalam menghadapi setiap perkara..

Akan tetapi, keluargalah punca calaran pada hatiku sehingga terluka sedalam-dalamnya..

My friends all dislike me..
Though they dont say it to my face, their actions all portrayed it..
My family also dislike me if not hates me..
Always thought negative of me, when what i did was the opposite..
I know im an unwanted daughter.. since they have already one as the 1st born..
They desire a son to complete both gender, once they got 1 as the third, im totally being ignored and scolded without reasons
And since i was affected by this horrible disease, im being further thrown far from being bond as a family.

I have to wondet, why didnt they just threw me when i was born..

Or even given me to someone else..
I know i'll curse them then, but at least im free to curse & hate them.. im sooOOOOOOO DEPRESS!!!!!!

30 May 2015

Dear macaemia, berry, choco, marthy, kontot & bengkok,

I hope u guys are enjoying the after life..

Do forgive for all my wrong doings, my neglectance..

I wouldn't want to be questioned later of my responsibilties..
of adopting you guys as my beloved pets..

But do know, i really miss & love u guys..

For each of u are the only friends i had..

29 May 2015

we are nowin the month of sha'ban, notfar from the mid of it..

O Allah, let me meet the month of ramadhan.. i miss to be in it, where each deed is rewarded more and more..

Just recently my friend's dad pass away.. may Allah bless his soul..

It makes me wonder, will i able to meet the coming ramadhan.. huh, o Allah, do let me meet 'him'.. for i am lack of deeds to be weighed later for a bestful justice..

03 May 2015

today marks the 3rd day of the public hols..

and today marks a week of my sore throat with dry cough which distrupt me from enjoying my hols.. 

huhu.. i know i should be grateful of it, as it reminds me that i am still under His care..

nonetheless, it make me wonder on others out there, who might even be in a worse condition..

how do i, will i, respond to their current state if i were placed in their shoes..?

will i be sad..

will i be depress..

or will i be angry..

or distress..

Only He knows best..

no matter what situation i am or will be placed in,
i have to remember, its for the best.
for He knows i'm able to 'handle' it..

as was stated in chapter 2, verse 216 of the Quran, which somehow meant that only He knows best as in our life, there are things that happen is to our dislike, but later on its actually good for us.. and the one that we prefer to occur will actually bring more harm..