april 09

it really hate itself more ever than before..

one here now, she's never be the chosen one..

for one is sooooooooo dump
soooooooo useless
s0000000 ever worthless

and why is one still here, in melb..?

one should have taken the chance to retreat back to msia, when was offered ealier this year..

but back then, one kept on thinking,
'how am i suppose to do dwh back there..?'

so, with that, one thought,
'ok, i'll come back to melb for one sole reason, for Allah.. for His deen..
to be a daie ilallah..'

yet.. as time pass by..
one feel like she's being pushed down from emerging out..

huhu..

o Allah.. please wash away one bad thinking of others here..

and last wed was a day where one think she could ever forget!!

one flunk one test in c_s..

and later that day, one got an email which shattered immediately one's heart..

one opened it in the libry..

which one tears keep on pouring out, streaming down for more than 1/2 hour..

one think she would perhaps jump off the building if one didnt remember Allah..

and one immediately look for one's sister who's was online.. thank u Allah for it..

yesterday, one head was banging like crazy in lecture..

and one hand keeps on stiffening, sometimes refuse to hold the pen correctly..which sort of giving one difficulties in writing.. huhu..

each time when one's not writing anything, and hold the pen without a base for it, the pen will fall off a couple of minute later..

later that day, in lecture, one again feel like fainting..

but one keeps on saying to one self..
'u cant faint right now.. its not appropriate to collapse in such a place..'

so, one decided to not attend one's tutorial..
one went to the boueveri prayer room and lie down there..

and today - friday-
one again did not attend one tute.. for one actually forget about it..
huhu..
mampuslah ko mcm ni..
blaja pun x ingat
x paham

mane layak nk jadi penggerak ummah
mane layak nk jadi d-e

boleh balik la ysn
dah x der makne nyer duk melb ni
klu hny setakat jadi supporter, and bukan pekerja

so BACK OFFFF!