29 June 2009

huhu..

in Thy name, the Most Merciful.. the Ever Merciful.. Allah S.W.T
___________________________________________________
Maka disebabkan rahmat dari Allah-lah kamu berlaku lemah-lembut terhadap mereka. Sekiranya kamu bersikap keras lagi berhati kasar, tentulah mereka menjauhkan diri dari sekelilingmu. Karena itu ma’afkanlah mereka, mohonkanlah ampun bagi mereka, dan bermusyawaratlah dengan mereka dalam urusan itu . Kemudian apabila kamu telah membulatkan tekad, maka bertawakkallah kepada Allah. Sesungguhnya
Allah menyukai orang-orang yang bertawakkal kepada-Nya.

Jika Allah menolong kamu, maka tak adalah orang yang dapat mengalahkan kamu; jika Allah membiarkan kamu [tidak memberi pertolongan], maka siapakah gerangan yang dapat menolong kamu [selain] dari Allah sesudah itu? Karena itu hendaklah kepada Allah saja orang-orang mu’min bertawakkal.


Apakah orang yang mengikuti keridhaan Allah sama dengan orang yang kembali membawa kemurkaan [yang besar] dari Allah dan tempatnya adalah Jahannam? Dan itulah seburuk-buruk tempat kembali.
-nsy, mu tu wat smua benda yang membawa murka Allah.. do u expect to still get His mercy..?

[Kedudukan] mereka itu bertingkat-tingkat di sisi Allah, dan Allah Maha Melihat apa yang mereka kerjakan.

(al-imran: 159-163)

-------------------------------------------------------------
If one gives charity, it does not diminishes his wealth..
If one forgive others, Allah bestows more honors to him..
If one humbels himself, for the sake of Allah, He exalts him higher..
(riwayat muslim)
___________________________________
O Al Ghafur..At-Tawwab..al-Wadud..
Forgive my friends, my sisters, my families..
Forgive them..
for they are just mere servants to You, All Mighty Lord..
and forgive me..for not able to accept their wrong actions that burn this heart..
though i say i accept each misdeeds on me, yet.. one could not able to free it from this remembrance of it.. forgive me.. for not able to forgive them..
forgive us Allah..to U we belong.. to U we return..
if we are not forgiven in this world, we will not able to seek forgiveness ever..
Thus, please do..
please do forgive one here..forgive us here..
To U i put my trust and faith..
please help one here to regain back her strength to be Ur true humble servants before her time to leave this world has come..
____________________________

Dan ingatlah karunia Allah kepadamu dan perjanjian-Nya yang telah diikat-Nya dengan kamu, ketika kamu mengatakan: "Kami dengar dan kami ta’ati". Dan bertakwalah kepada Allah, sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui isi hati [mu].


Hai orang-orang yang beriman, hendaklah kamu jadi orang-orang yang selalu menegakkan [kebenaran] karena Allah, menjadi saksi dengan adil. Dan janganlah sekali-kali kebencianmu terhadap sesuatu kaum, mendorong kamu untuk berlaku tidak adil. Berlaku adillah, karena adil itu lebih dekat kepada takwa. Dan bertakwalah kepada Allah, sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui apa yang kamu kerjakan.

Allah telah menjanjikan kepada orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal saleh, [bahwa] untuk mereka ampunan dan pahala yang besar.

(5:7-9)
____________________________________________

Hai orang-orang yang beriman, jauhilah kebanyakan dari prasangka, sesungguhnya sebagian prasangka itu adalah dosa dan janganlah kamu mencari-cari kesalahan orang lain dan janganlah sebahagian kamu menggunjing sebahagian yang lain. Sukakah salah seorang di antara kamu memakan daging saudaranya yang sudah mati? Maka tentulah kamu merasa jijik kepadanya. Dan bertakwalah kepada Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Penerima taubat lagi Maha Penyayang. (49:12)

-ysn..do not think bad of others.. its really a free sin if u do so..
instead, ALWAYS think good of others.. and how have u not able to fulfill ur responsibility towards them..
-u had always remind people of this before.. u know it.. yet why know are u not able to follow what u've advised others to do?
-ingatlah pada kata2 Allah.. CELAKALAH bagi mereka yang menyuruh orang buat kebajikan, tetapi melupakan diri sendiri, dan tidak mengerjakannya..
________________________________________________
Jagalah pandangan mata..
sekiranya terlihat oleh mata akan kesalahan orang lain di hadapan..
maka, berkatalah pada diri..
Wahai diri, orang lain juga mempunyai mata..

Watch ur eye. Should it ever reveal to u the fault of others, say to it,
"O my eyes, other people have eyes to" (ahmad al-Zarruq 846 A.H.)
__________________________________________________
Do not speak much without the mention of Allah for you will harden your hearts.
A hard heart is far from Allah, but you do not know.
Do not look at the wrong actions of people as if you were lords. Look at your wrong actions as if you were slaves.
Some people are afflicted by wrong action and some people are protected from it.
Be merciful to the people of affliction and praise Allah for His protection
________________________________________________

Sufyân ath-Thawrî (rahimahullâh) said, "When your brother is out of your sight, mention him as you would like him to mention you when you are out of his sight."
_________________________________________________

28 June 2009

sakit kepala yang teramat sngt..
tetibo plak tu..
hoho.. mengapa begini wahai kepalaku..
do u need sleep
or do u need vitamins..
huhu..

macam nk pecah den ni..

ya Rabb.. Ya Rahman..
andai ia peringatan buat diriku.. peringatkanlah apa yang telah aku melampau dalam gerak langkahku..
andai ia menjadi pembersih dosa yang aku lakukan.. sanggup ku terima selama mana perlu untuk bersihkan diriku..
andai ia rahmat buat diriku.. segala pujian buat Mu. kerana tidak lekik dari mencurahkan rahmat buat hambaMu yang sering ingkar pada perintahMu..
this tank of life..
for each to swim thru by..
the weeds that sway..
the creeps and clay..
all seems too good to be true..
a calm of goodness sweeps right thru..
yet..
sometimes, the waves will mock..
giving small sharks to chaos the serenity of the oceans..
how had one deal with the play of the mini sharks..?
do one give up hope.. did one lay out all..
remember... do remember..
if one could not able to face this small sharks of life..
how do one expect if one day come the gigantic giant shark to attack one in the small tank of life..
walking down the aisle..
gazing across the streets..
the shine light from the sun..
glorify the Upmost High, above all below the deep blue sky..
stagnants for a while... for none could be reach..
o Allah... ease her heart.. please do..
there's soo much think she sacrifice, for this deen.. for her love in You..
help her thru all d way.. please do..
it hurt this heart to c her in misery..
please light our way, in each steps we take..
for, we have only You..

24 June 2009

Sunset Glory by Him


Subhanallah

yes or no...

yes or no
its a question with no answer to it..
will it brings benefits
or will it bring misery..
should i walk on this path..
shoud i turn and back of from it..
d mind says yes, but the heart refuse to it..

copied from sumwhere.. ntah btul ntah tidak

Adapun puasa satu bulan penuh pada bulan Rejab adalah tidak sah, makruh kerana tidak ada ketentuan dari Nabi S.A.W. dan tidak pula dari para Sahabat R.hum. Imam Ahmad, Umar bin Abbas dan Mawardi pada kitab Iqna' bahawa puasa satu bulan penuh pada bulan Rejab adalah Makruh kecuali berselang satu atau dua hari maka hukumnya menjadi sunnah. (Durratun Nasihin)
- Banyakkan puasa sunat.jika mampu,
- Perbanyakkan Solat-solat sunat yang mengiringi solat fardhu (rawatib).
- Solat sunat Dhuha, sunat tasbih, sunat tahajjud, sunat hajat, sunat witir dan sebagainya, buat menampung amalan fardhu
- Banyakkan masa dengan membaca Al-Quran.
- Banyakkan berzikir dengan bertasbih bertahmid, bertakbir dan bertahlil beberapa ratus kali. Jika tak mampu lakukan beberapa kali termampu pada sebilangan waktu. Waktu terbaik ketika hampir subuh selepas subuh dan ketika hampir masuk waktu berbuka puasa.
- Berselawat keatas Nabi S.A.W. sebanyaknya
- Beristighfarlah mohon keampunan diatas dosa-dosa yang lalu. Paling utama bacalah Istighfar Rejab setiap hari (sila rujuk dalam kitab-kitab doa atau melalui tuan-tuan guru mengenainya)
- Berdoalah memohon sebanyak-banyaknya dalam solat, didalam sujud dan selepas solat beberapa lama tanpa berasa jemu meminta.

Rasulullah saw. Bersabda , “ Barangsiapa berpuasa pada hari khamis , jumaat dan sabtu pada bulan haram (Rejab) maka Allah mencatat baginya ibadah dua tahun.
Rasulullah saw bersabda ,”Barangsiapa berpuasa satu hari berpuasa pada bulan rejab, maka ia seperti berpuasa (selama) satu tahun.
Abu Qilabah r.u berkata , ‘Di dalam syurga terdapat sebuah istana yang disediakan khusus bagi orang-orang yang berpuasa pada bulan Rejab.”

Rasulullah saw. Bersabda “ Di dalam bulan Rejab ada satu hari dan satu malam yang mana barangsiapa berpuasa pada hari itu dan sholat malam pada malam itu, maka ia bagaikan berpuasa seratus tahun dan sholat malam seratus tahun lamanya. Hari itu ialah 3 hari terakhir.
For the hope to seeps, the guidance were longed for..
yet, its only a spark of tease, when no drums of light pour..
had it been a mask..
had it been a play..
it is a cast..
or its waiting to dispose it all the away..
truth will never be unraveled..
for its heart had shatter passed the flow..
it'll always stand forlorn in this travel..
in when its gone, none will blow..

23 June 2009

bilik ni hanya menjadi tempat orang tumpang letak barang je..
bagus la..
sesuai dgn tuan bilik..
keje dengan mesin..
kawan dengan barang..
in d late hour..
one sit alone by the side..
a walk length to it, a space room wide open..
yet..
its open in d eyes, but chain from side to side..
the knot will not untangle..
for it'll never take this steps to enter..

remember..

When things are down And you are out of your mind
Remember just remember Allah is The Kind.

When your life is in darkness And nothing is right
Remember just remember Through the darkness, Allah is The Light.

When nothing makes sense And your heading for demise
Remember just remember It doesn't make sense, but Allah is The Wise.

When times are troubled And no one seems to care
Remember just remember Allah won't hurt you, He is The Fair.

When your heart is breaking And your pain makes you fall
Remember just remember Allah Sees it all.

When you are weak And the road seems long
Remember just remember Seek strength from The Strong.

When life is a burden And everything is unstable
Remember just remember Allah is The Able.

When the way is cloudy And there is no one by your side
Remember just remember Allah is The Only Guide.

When no one wants to listen Or is willing to lend an ear
Remember just remember Allah is always ready to hear.

When you are poor and penniless And you are stuck in a niche
Remember just remember Allah is The Rich.

When you are down in your misery And there is nowhere to run
Remember just remember You can always run to The One.

When you’re all alone And your pain has no end
Remember just remember Allah is the one to mend.

And when your scars are hurting And your heart is in fear
Remember just remember Allah is really here.
in Thy name.. the Most Merciful..

today is d 1st day of exam free period begins for one here..

trying hard to think bout something else, yet...........

one decided to cook laksa.. to keep one busy..

huhu.. yes, after finish all d cooking... all feel sorrow back once again..

its all a lie..
a lie that one kept on fooled by..

ah, sudahlah mereka semua.. im alone ...
and alone i'll be forever
Allahumma baarik lana fii Rajab, wa Sya'ban wa ballighna Ramadhan. Moga rejab ini lebih baik. Begitu juga sya'ban dan ramadhan

22 June 2009

cedey..
sgt cedey..
tadi jawab exam ntah ape2 ntah..
kn study la time cuti ni..
exam repeat is on 17th..
ader 2 minggu je lagi tuk study 3 subject balik = 5unit.. huhu...

bongok mu ni.. orang suh study tuk exam final x mo.. skng kang dh kn study balik

21 June 2009

im suppose to study... tomorrow is the day that will determine, i'll pass or fail this mechanics subject..

if i fail to do well in this unit, it is a guarantee i'l failt this subject, becoz, i certainly failed the other unit exam.
it felt like perhaps i only got 5/100 for it..

but, one could no longer feel like studying..
one saw its life had been crashed doom in front..
feel no hope anymore in doing anything..

am i suppose to give up..

which i know i should not.. but inside me..ive no longer feel anything.. except to run away.. run from everyone..
to live with the animals in the junggle..

and if they too reject me.. then i know...
i dont even egible to exist, to breath..

o Allah, if im indeed the people of hell-fire, which i know i am.. do forgive my parents for not being ur rightful servants..
its all my fault, not able to preach ur message to them with hikmah.. put all blame on me and not them..

20 June 2009

im trying to turn myself back to what they called it as 'snow queen'.

its not that i want to be a queen. but, it what my primary and lower secondary friends regard me as.

i am indeed a heartless person back then..

but the truth is, inside, everything is raging, but the face i hold up, is emotionless.

so, its not actually i was heartless back then..

but i was not going to portray to others whats the real feelings inside.

i changed to be such a 'full of expressions' person, when i got to know my best friend in mrsm.

but now, i need to change myself back. so i wont hurt anyone anymore.

remember back..

ysn.. im reminding urself again..
____________________________________________________

Verily, it is the Lord that knows best which (among men) have strayed from His path and He knows best those who recieve (true) guidance .. {al-qalam:7}

____________________________________________________

Allah ask one to reflect back..
look back at the prophets before rasulullah s.a.w.
The numbers who fought beside them(prophets),
which not the number that plays
significant role, but its the 'taqwa' in each individual soul.
To what extend they devotes towards Allah S.W.T.
Despite the befall and disaster that they face when
decide to stay firm besides their prophet,
fighting in the His cause..
They did not back down,
nor they grieve about it..
Yet, each things that strikes them, strenghten their
trust to walk thru the path they choosed to be..

sahabat sejati



dis time i really did it!

huhu..ive hurt my sis feelings..

i really2 regret it.. but, sudah terlajak, x mungkin boleh diundur.. sama macam masa..

huhu..

i hope she's doing ok.. not too bothered for what i did..

not remember i even exist..

im goin to be close to anyone no more..

the more i be attach to someone.. the more likely i'll hurt that person feelings..

and i hate myself for keep on doing it..

O Allah, give her serenity.. bestow upon her Ur ever lasting love..

19 June 2009

what is becoming of me..

each minute im becoming more and more towards jahiliyah self..

and to be more ackward and frightening, im becoming more and more like HER!

without even realising it!

help me Allah.. protect me from being like her.

i wanna be a true muslim..
jangan kaco orang boleh tak!!!!

they have their own life.. get lost k

Memberitahu kepada sahabat kita bahwa kita mencintainya: Rasulullah saw. bersabda, “Apabila seseorang mencintai saudaranya, hendaklah dia mengatakan cinta kepadanya.”
(Abu Dawud dan Tirmidzi, hadits shahih)

Minta didoakan dari jauh saat berpisah :Rasulullah saw. bersabda, “Tidak seorang hamba mukmin yang berdoa untuk saudaranya dari kejauhan malainkan malaikat berkata, ‘Dan bagimu seperti itu’.”
(Muslim)

Bila berjumpa, tunjukkan wajah gembira dan senyuman : Rasulullah saw. bersabda, “Janganlah kamu meremehkan kebaikan apapun, walaupun sekadar bertemu saudaramu dengan wajah ceria.”
(Muslim)

Berjabat tangan dengan erat dan hangat : Berjabat tanganlah setiapkali bertemu. Sebab, Rasulullah saw. bersabda, “Tidak ada dua orang muslim yang berjumpa lalu berjabat tangan melainkan keduanya diampuni dosanya sebelum berpisah.”
(Abu Dawud)

Sering-seringlah berkunjung : Nabi Muhammad saw. bersabda, “Allah swt. berfirman, ‘Pasti akan mendapat cinta-Ku orang-orang yang mencintai karena Aku, keduanya saling berkunjung karena Aku, dan saling memberli karena Aku’.”
(Imam Malik dalam Al-Muwaththa’)

Ucapkan selamat saat saudara anda mendapat kejayaan :Anas bin Malik berkata, Rasulullah saw. bersabda, “Barangsiapa bertemu saudaranya dengan membawa sesuatu yang dapat menggembirakannya, pasti Allah akan menggembirakannya pada hari kiamat.”
(Thabrani dalam Mu’jam Shagir) -
Berilah hadiah terutama di waktu-waktu istimewa : Hadits marfu’ dari Anas bahwa, “Hendaklah kamu saling memberi hadiah, karena hadiah itu dapat mewariskan rasa cinta dan menghilangkan kekotoran hati.”
(Thabrani)

Berilah perhatian dan bantu keperluan Saudara Anda : Rasulullah saw. bersabda, “Siapa yang melepaskan kesusahan seorang mukmin di dunia niscaya Allah akan melepaskan kesusahannya di akhirat. Siapa yang memudahkan orang yang kesusahan, niscaya Allah akan memudahkan (urusannya) di dunia dan di akhirat. Siapa yang menutupi (aib) seorang muslim, niscaya Allah akan menutupi (aibnya) di dunia dan di akhirat. Dan Allah selalu menolong hamba-Nya jika hamba tersebut menolong saudaranya.”
(Muslim)
ysn, ingatlah kisah thalut n jalut.. ALWAYS remember please..
He did not make each things happen without a reason.
Allah is testing you..
how much faith u have instill within ur heart..
please do..
one dont wanna die as an ignorance..
O Allah, let one here realise each seconds U r always by one side..
one dont think one could any longer face anyone..
its too embarassing..
forgive me ya Rabb..

Wasiat Imam Hasan Al-Banna

1o Wasiat Imam Hasan Al-Banna

1. Dirikanlah solat tatkala engkau mendengar azan, betapapun keadaan di waktu itu.

2. Bacalah Al-Qur-an, atau telaahlah tafsirannya atau dengarkanlah orang lain membacanya, atau zikirlah kepada Allah dan
janganlah engkau gunakan sebahagian waktumu untuk hal-hal yang tidak berfaedah.

3. Berbicaralah dengan bahasa Arab yang fasih, kerana yang demikian itu termasuk syi’ar Islam.


4. Jangan banyak berdebat dalam hal apapun, kerana pertengkaran itu tidak akan mendatangkan kebaikan.


5. Janganlah banyak tertawa, sebab hati yang berhubungan dengan Allah itu adalah tenang dan mantap.


6. Jangan suka berkelakar berolok-olok, sebab umat yang berjuang tidak mengenal selain kesungguhan.


7. Janganlah engkau keraskan suaramu melebihi yang diperlukan oleh pendengar, kerana hal itu menunjukkan kebodohan dan menyakitkan.


8. Jauhilah menghina orang, mencela organisasi dan
janganlah berbicara kecuali pembicaraan yang baik.

9. Perkenalkanlah dirimu kepada orang yang engkau jumpai, walaupun ia tidak meminta hal itu darimu, sebab dasar dakwah kita adalah cinta dan saling kenal mengenal.

10. Kewajiban selalu lebih banyak dari yang tersedia, sebab itu bantulah orang lain untuk memanfa’atkan waktunya. Jika engkau mempunyai suatu urusan, maka selesaikanlah dalam waktu sesingkat-singkatnya.

ar-rum

Dan apabila Kami rasakan sesuatu rahmat kepada manusia, niscaya mereka gembira dengan rahmat itu. Dan apabila mereka ditimpa sesuatu musibah [bahaya] disebabkan kesalahan yang telah dikerjakan oleh tangan mereka sendiri, tiba-tiba mereka itu berputus asa. (reflect back urself nsy!)

Dan apakah mereka tidak memperhatikan bahwa sesungguhnya Allah melapangkan rezki bagi siapa yang dikehendaki-Nya dan Dia [pula] yang menyempitkan [rezki itu]. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda [kekuasaan Allah] bagi kaum yang beriman.
ive eaten a lot of kismis..
hoho..
half a bag a day..
brape byk ntah glucose dh consume..

18 June 2009

feel like my head is bursting.. wanna burst it out for me hammy?

i juz thought to end my old life.. but was never succeed 2 do so..
was never able to turn over a new leaf..
forgive me Allah, for not able to do so..

hammy dear,
i hope u n all other hamsters are living happily ever after..
:)
gi beli groc td..
mula nk jog, pastu ingt nk amik beskal.
last2 smpi brunswick dh, beli groc trus..
hoho psycho..

tp skng sakit kepala yg teramat sgt..
pekena nth..
pastu tadi biler jalan pun, klu stop, nmpk mcm the ground is shaking..
ingtkn gempa bumi ke ape..
mungkin its myself..

oh hammy,
now i remember, gi amik betaferone yg dh dilute > 3hours...

cari la kt web is there any side effect klu amik gak, n what i got was:

"The injection should be administered immediately after mixing (if the injection is delayed, refrigerate the solution and inject it within 3 hours). Do not freeze."

hoho.. so, im not too sure whats causing it..

ok. mmg x lrt dh ni..
mcm nk buang kepala pun boleh gak, x yah tengok result dynamcis dpt brape..
bagus gak tu
huhu
hammy,
me wanna go to mornington
wanna go to new castle
wanna go to darwin
wanna go to tasmania..
wanna go to geelong
me wanna travel everywhere.. before goin back to msia for good..
nnt kt msia menganggur jer..
duit x da, cmne nk travel.. huhu
sabah pn yg nk gi dulu x gi2 lg..
sarawak on nk gi, mn ingt dulu cmne..huhu
nk bukak agency travel la..
travel tuk diri, hamster and keluarga hamster shj
:)

17 June 2009

today was mech_vib, aka dynamics paper..
huhu..
i think i just flunk my exam
waaaaaahhhhhhhhh...
teruknya..
masa reading time dah tau dah, x leh nk jawab ape pun..

and

MEMANG x LEH..

huhu..

ntah la.. diri pasrah je la..

dok mengarut2 dalam exam anwer sheet..

hoho..

i need to do excellently dalam the other unit, the solid of mechanics..

to just pass this paper..

o Allah.. help one to do so..

16 June 2009

diinginkan untuk bertukar angin belajar di tempat lain.
di samping mencari ketenangan dalam belajr dynamics..
dan memandangkan uhkuwah yang dibina tidak patut dibiarkan berkubur dengan alasan musim exam.. lalu pergilah membawa diri dari libry uni ke bf.. -awat la mu ni skema wey-

akan tetapi.. sememangnya setiap detik di sana adalah ujian buat diri..
dari awal diri tiba, sehinggakan diri ambil keputusan membawa diri pulang..
kerna satu benda study pun x masuk disebabkan ketensionan..

mula2 dengan kebisingan seorang demi seorang ..
pastu menjadi segerombolan..
diikuti pula dengan pulang beberapa org utk memasak..
ya Allah.. andai tidak Engkau gariskan sabar itu sebagai sifat muslim, mungkin diri ini dah menjerit kut..
huhu...

balik nek tram, x mo nek beskal.. kerana x larat nk kayuh dh beskal..
pastu, tram pulak lmbt tiba..
dh la byk keter..
nak je gi kt tgh2 simpang tu n say, 'ok, hit me with the best u can'
muahaha.. -wey,gilor per mu ni-
huhu..

thermofluids 4 exam

with Thy name..

Alhamdulillah..
all praise to U my beloved Lord..everlasting love one hope one will always pour..
U ease one's mind and heart to enter the exam hall, and to answer the exam paper..
almost feel like the way one felt when one was taking the supplement stats exam..
juz that, this feels much better..for one really did not put much effort in it..
yet, when one ask upon U, Allah, to reassure my heart in answering the paper, U answer it.
though one have no idea how to answer most of the questions, but suprisingly, one doesnt feel as if 'im doom' or anything similar..

one did not sleep last night, to study the fluids derivations..
and alhamdulillah, it did not stop one from taking the exam today..

today, one decided to study dynamics or m_v at libry..
n just at recent time, one found that one could not really eat anything..
for each bite one take, each chew one make.. the cause one's head in pain..
it is as if the muscle are all interelated..
the pain increases as the chew made harder..
and its directly at the top of this head, in line with both eyes,
also as one move this head to either side..
n one writes these here, hammy.. coz one day, if one really die without any medical proof.. people will know or at least predict why..

huhu..

now one is back at home. could stay in libry more..
though doesnt feel sleepy any longer..
but one doesnt want to take any risk.. in case one might not able to come back home at critical state..
should one meet the doctor again tomorrow..?
huhu.. one dislike meeting any doctor..
they like to ask, one dislike to answer.. as one dislike to talk..

ok..
one will try to go to sleep now, though one feel there's no doubt one could fall asleep instantaneously as soon as one lie on mr.camel..
=]

nite2 hammy..
we'll meet again, insyaAllah.. if Allah wills it..

w'salaam wrbt.

14 June 2009

am goin 2 end this old life
have enough of it..
time for a change
a new beginning..
a new me.. with Allah Taála wills, one begins

13 June 2009

today went to d 'riadah' though, dont really felt like meeting anyone.. but one like jogging.. and enjoying the scenary of the sky..

huhu..

ok.. need to get back to thermo..

FluMoTions is certainly lack of oil..
stop being stupid k.
this is what known as d test of life..
which will keep on coming one after another,
no matter how many times we thought we succeed in each of it..

remember please,
NEVER EVER FAIL ALLAH's test!

for if u do, that will b the real failure, and thats what u dont want to happen

13 June 2009 - 12.30am

..im trying not to judge anyone..
but.......................

O Rabbi...
Al Wadud..
Allah Taála..
to U one belong..
to U one rely..
and only U one trust..

help one to always be aware U're by one side no matter if the whole world is against one here..

.. with Thy name, Allah.. the Most Merciful, the Ever Lasting Merciful.. one begins..

12 June 2009

12 June 2009

in Thy name..

dear hammy, ive loose hope in everything..
i know, its not a act a muslim should be..
but.. huhu.. i really dont know what becoming of me..
i guess, d heart inside is fully blackened coal..

-last nite.. i keep on awake every hour..
n each time i awake, i tried to study.. but no, its doesnt work..
till i burnt my back..

-today, i did not even join d jmh pryer..
what am i doin..
nothin should stop me from doing jmh pryer..

-i went 2 d doc d other day after my not-so-good xam..
n d doc told me,
"nothin can be done.. for u hav had it for 3 days,
if it is still within 48hrs, i would have given u d vaccine.."
well, padan muka.. its my fault.. sape suh x mo jupe doc awal2..
huhu..

-monday i got thermofluids..wednesday i got mechanical vibrations..
and for all 3 area, i dont know how it really goes.. perhaps a little for thermo since d assignments b4 needs a lot of studying.. but for fluids and mech_vib...

huhu..

furthermore.. fluids have a whole lot of derivation.
do they think humans have microchip to remember all d derivations..

i dont know if im worth it even to live..
i really2 dont think i am.. :(
[gloomy , sad..]

08 June 2009

this is teryfying...Scared 2

i am not goin to take exam 2morow...
Scared
what am i suppose to answer... huhu..
tulun la den.. i cannot give up..
but all seem lost...

waaaaaaaaaaa..............
the more i study... d more i dont know

am i in d upside down world... waaaaaa...

huhu.. wanna go back to msia..
i rather work as a kindergarden teacher.. to teach how to write.
how to read...
at least i could tell my make-up story.. which here, no one
would care to listen to..

ok2.. sejuk wey..
nk tulih pun x leh.. nk type pn x leh
berape byk para cetamol dh amik.
after a couple of hours.. the fever juz come back..
so does the ache in my arms, legs and body..
biler nk hilangnyer..
nk bacer x larat.. nk pikir, lgi brtmbh skit kepala den
waaaah..
mcm org tua.
huhu..
whateva

microb









tq A_S 4 making me smile with this..
u r making me/urself confius nsy
who being who rite now..
which part r u playing and which part am i playing..
i thought im suppose to be d good one .. u, h_v be d bad one..
waaaah.. ape2 la
hey.. b4 that.. i got a letter for u..
________________________

apabila tiada siapa di sisi..
siapa yang menemani diri?
sudah pasti syaitan sgt byk kat sekeliling ni

GO AWAY shaitans!!!! i know each of u can read this!!!! and perhaps enjoying it

tapi ingatlah ysn, Allah tetap bersamamu, thru thick, thru thins..
there's no other like Him, our beloved Lord, All Mighty..

so, yes, others may think u r a nuisance.. but Allah never ..

each time you remember Allah.. Allah will greatly remember u even more...
each time you bring His name in a group, Allah will mention urs even better in a higher top meeting..
a step u take towards Allah.. faster than the speed of light Allah goes towards u..

so, how can u not remember Allah ysn..?
He is ALWAYS THERE..
JUST SEEK HIM.. NO MATTER WHEN, NO MATTER WHERE..
HE IS THERE..

thank you Allah.. for being my love, true love ones..
forgive me.. for my sins.. my misbehave as ur servant..
my live.. my death.. is for You.. only You..
_____________________________________________
since ur ending ur life.. might as well make this blog public

okay! hammy, i need to reveal u to.. take care..

adios..

wslm wrbt

p/s:ironic.. tazkirah rumah beberapa hari ni pasal pengurusan jenazah..
with Thy name..

O Allah.. before, i was given a whole lot faithful friends, a gift from U..
and now, u've been takin them away one by one..
is it as a test for me.. or is it becoz of my wrong doings..

and they should have neglect me back then
when i was not close to them..
but last year they decide to be 'caring' and stuff like that..
and make me sort of attached to them..

and this year..
it totally the oppsite..
they all start neglecting one here..
and this crash my heart to pieces..

if they all did not choose to be such a caring person back then..
i wont feel this way this year..
as once i've love and care someone.. its hard for me to forget them..
arghhhhhhhhhhh

now i realise..
this is what been causing my so tense for the past couple of weeks..

when i asked them to neglect me..
it is me who can't stand alone..

THIS is SOOOOOOOOOOO depressing..
i should have realise.. they only did care becoz they see as a job as Your daie..
not as a true friend.. nor true sis..
bykla ukhwah fillah.. klu uhkwah itu benar2 fillah.. no matter when,
no matter where.. the bond should never change no matter what time zone its in..

im now alone.. REALLY alone..

even if i died now.. no one will feel anything.. except perhaps my true friend, a_s..
'others will juz be,"ok, we need to bury her and do solat jenazah..". whatever.
I DONT CARE..

o Allah.. i asked from U to protect my beloved_fillah true friend from having this kind of feeling.. for i wont be here no longer to be her friend..
and i know, its hard to be left alone..

07 June 2009

sape NAK TOLONG KALAU NK BUNUH DIRI
NANTI KAT AKHIRAT
KAWAN BAIK PUN JADI LAWAN
SIAPA X DPT TULUN
U R ON UR OWN harihays

BOLEH TRUSKAN USAHA UNTUK SUICIDE..
NNT DH ACCOMPLISH, DH X LEH BUKAK MANE2 BLOG..
SO, LET ME SAY IT IN ADVANCE.. ALL D BEST
MOGA TAHAN DUK KAT API NERAKA JAHANAM TU NANTI..
HUH..

06 June 2009

Im parting from the world..
so much of a vow
all hope have been just only a dream..
the gush of the oceans..
flew of the birds that rest below..
the golden brown now sunk in the ground..
grasps with this hand..
none seem to stay tight..
the sheels, the leaves, used to be the symphony of this dream..
yet, now..
it seems to rock the melody, tune it to unsymphony
O Lord..
did each steps one make drill up holes on the path it took..
or it smeared on crackles of stones along the way..

okay.. one here cant seem to open her sight truthful anymore..
hope it'll found the right walk on journey, to take one back home..
it hate itself!!!!!
for hating everyone..
not everybody is perfect
and even then, different people have different perception on their taste of perfectness..

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kenapa perlu tension ngan org tu..

klu nk gi sgt pegi je la..

yah tunggu orang ajak!!!!
BODOH mu ni

dh.. br nk study.. mcm2 plak jadi.. hilang balik mood nk study

ni la Ujian Allah buat mu ysn!!!!!!!!

so get lost k..

go away..

retreat ur self from others..

no point turning back to them..

they do not need u.. as u only need Allah now..

k.. ttfn..
wslmwrbt

no tittle

salaam wrbt.. hammy,

im now out of house.. decided to try to rejunevate my feeling out of the prison-like-room

i thought things will change.. but i guess.. thought will remain thoughts..
dream will remain dream..

i only sleep about 15 minutes last night, b4 subuh prayer..

and i thought of sleeping back after tilawah after dawn.. but i dont know.. it does not seem to work..

yeah, ok, i decide to go tu uni to print out the ' jadual masak exam week' huh..

get a life ysn!

then i went back to paste it on the fridge and back to uni again after did dhuha..

huhu, to and back again.. what am i doin!!!!! :(

and now my eyes are in pain, but im not sleepy..

i tried to study.. but ia hanya ibarat mencurahkan air ke daun keladi..

x membawa sebarang input berkesan pun..

why am i soooooooooo depressed..

i thought at 1st it was because of me thinking bout the problems of others close to me..
one after another, they keep on stacking.. and im not a person who know who to react and advice others.. which i guess, in the end, cause me to be stressful for not able to help them..

and yeah, the other day, i accidently opened up a secret that i promised not to tell others..
hoho.. yes, no doubt for sure.. HELL FIRE is waiting to burn me up in this life of here after..
if a day there equals to a year here.. i guess.. until im 100xthe age of nabi nuh pun masih kena bakar dalam neraka jahanam.. :'(

O Allah, i keep on asking You to forgive me, yet each seconds i keep on increasing my sins threefold..

so, that is why i decide, instead of me being burnt in Hell later without a clear reason to me..
might as well i know why im being punished..

with this i bruised my hands, legs, neck..
since i dont have any paint and brush here in melb, i can use my blood and bodies to do art work.. huh..
cheap stuff..
real cheap.. no need to buy it from any shop.. :)

yesterday,
i thought, ok, im goin to change..
yet as noon came..
my life struck again..

i dont know why it all occur instananeously..
i attempted to kill my self..
i stranggled my self.. yet, i think i fall unconscious instead.. (dont know how long)
for when i wake.. its almost maghrib.. and ok at that instance i thought.. havent done asar prayer yet.. (how stupid am i.. klu dh nk bunuh diri, solat cmne pun xder nyer nk dimaafkan.. but hey, i love Allah.. its me who i hate)..

after solat, mathurat jap..
then decide.. ok nk study balik..
and my glance fall on the saw at my side laying there, inviting me to pick it up..
without thinking much i took it..
and i tried cutting my leg with it.. but instead, the things that came out are the saw balde rust..
and some marks on it..

seeing that my leg is too tough for it to cut through (:p),
i tried to cut my hand.. where the vien lie..
but i did not have the strength to glide it fast and pushing it deep enough..
for i keep on wondering..
how am i suppose to answer to my Love later..
its not my hand, or leg, or body fault to be tourment in the hell fire later..
its my soul, my mind, my heart..
hm, im not too sure weather i can ask Allah to repay all my actions to my soul, and not my body..

BODOHNYE mu ni ysn...

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


after that, one swallowed different kind of pills..
and did she not count how much paracetamol have been taken.. ? :
klu dulu, nk amik panadol pun x mo klu nk amik injection..
skang makan exessive plak.. pebenda ntah..
when one saw nothing happen..
one then thought, "ok, i need to do other thing fast.."

tried burning its hands and leg and body..
hoho.. only one knows.. it was really2 painful.. smpikan yg sakit itu kepala dan mata..
dan hati(kut,x tau location dlm ni ader organ aper)
klu ini pun dh sakit..
cmne la sakit kat neraka nnt..
that is when one stopped..

"thank You Allah for reminding me the tournment in the life of hereafter is tooo painfull..
unbearable.. "

y'day..
90% of d day, one keep myself in that cell..
did not go out for jmh pryr.. did not answer when someone (whoever is it) knock on the door..
only dat night,when one need to drink, down it went..

O Allah.. one have no one to talk to.. for one dont really know how to talk about this..
she dont even know why am she's acting this way.. sedangkan dalam setiap gerak langkah yang dibuat, one begin with Your name.. and one ask to be protect from the syaitans..

forgive one here, Allah.. forgive one Lord..

accept one love once again.. although one have been distraught..

people may thought, one here cud be too distressed about this dwh work..
but to be honest..its totally d oppose..
doin it distract one from being depress..

gi melawat saudara2 lgn.. memekarkan kembali bunga yang layu..
for they are happy group of friends..
though they always bullied one here, but one love them for one love You..
one want them to know You as one do..even better
if they are among those who will work to leveled you Deen,
they will be the ones who motivate others when others feels down..
O Allah.. give them Your guidance.. and open up their hearts to accept Your call..

do love them all..as one really love them all..
love one parents.. more than others love theirs..
protect one sisters and brothers who are fighting in Your cause..

and one need to meet U Allah.. for U've call me to meet You in asar prayer.. till then.. insyaAllah..
lets go hammy.. Allah is waiting.. =)
wslm wrbt..

05 June 2009

now, then.. ape2 je la

ive been going crazy lately

i dont know what is reallhy happening

sometimes i'll laugh out of the blue.

sometimes i'll cry without a purpose..

my feelings are no longer synchoroize on how i react..

there's too much to write.. since the internet broke down for some time..

yet, one could no longer find d words to type it all out..

huhu..

i hope i wont die as a crazy person.. but as a true servant to You, Allah...

i reallly do..