with Thy name..

O Allah.. before, i was given a whole lot faithful friends, a gift from U..
and now, u've been takin them away one by one..
is it as a test for me.. or is it becoz of my wrong doings..

and they should have neglect me back then
when i was not close to them..
but last year they decide to be 'caring' and stuff like that..
and make me sort of attached to them..

and this year..
it totally the oppsite..
they all start neglecting one here..
and this crash my heart to pieces..

if they all did not choose to be such a caring person back then..
i wont feel this way this year..
as once i've love and care someone.. its hard for me to forget them..
arghhhhhhhhhhh

now i realise..
this is what been causing my so tense for the past couple of weeks..

when i asked them to neglect me..
it is me who can't stand alone..

THIS is SOOOOOOOOOOO depressing..
i should have realise.. they only did care becoz they see as a job as Your daie..
not as a true friend.. nor true sis..
bykla ukhwah fillah.. klu uhkwah itu benar2 fillah.. no matter when,
no matter where.. the bond should never change no matter what time zone its in..

im now alone.. REALLY alone..

even if i died now.. no one will feel anything.. except perhaps my true friend, a_s..
'others will juz be,"ok, we need to bury her and do solat jenazah..". whatever.
I DONT CARE..

o Allah.. i asked from U to protect my beloved_fillah true friend from having this kind of feeling.. for i wont be here no longer to be her friend..
and i know, its hard to be left alone..