WHOSE FLYING THE HELICOPTER AT NIGHT IN MELBOURNE AND WHY!!!!!!
IT SOOOO ITERATING
I NEED TO HEAR MY AUDIO LECTURE
AND THEY ARE REALLY REALLY DISTURBING

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in d misty haze,
d heart's fire glows in blaze..
a stranger in this world..
living as a castaway..
no hope given in, but d ambitious heart crave for it..
yet the world wound it, torture it to bleed....

each time the sun shine..
yet, its never a sign that it'll never rain..
unlike the spring and autumn..
and the winter of summer..
its not a season that one could lay

across the fields..
below the gray skies ..
the thunder from above
scent of gushing rain to come by

the flow is starts..
like the rivers of the earth that one could sight..
the rocks it goes..
further enforce the flow

the wrench of the heart
come after the fierce blood rush..
yet.. it serene to beats..
when Thee name struck in..
the flame of truth, light the night..
giving daze of colors,
disperse the spark of Guidance from Thee..

this vast world of life..
that place in each corner a voul play in hide..
time shall teach in patience..
and wisdom will come flow by..
if both are hold on tight..
a place in is gain in the kingdom..
kingdom of the long true life

and the rain that falls..
with the shine of the sun..
rainbow will form..
gives beauty for the sight..
and thats the marvel of life..

kapal.. uuu

ferris wheel

kejar2

fog near cs

pokok best in fog

mcm swh padi

the return of the bee..

across the great oceans..

from the straits of malacca, to the java sea

right thru the timor sea,

above it cross, of the mainland of australia..

the bee journeys in its flight to achieve its dream..

the fence has now collapse..

giving it freedom to fly ahead..

with one aim in mind..

to Him, for Him, with Him.. (insyaAllah)

with His Will, the bees now meet again once more..

it thought things will now change..

be as it used to be before..

the draught of land, will now blooms with flowers..

and colors will then swipe the glooms..


yet..

somehow, things change with their own chosen path..

the sea will not always stay calm..

and leaves do often drops..

thus, the change should not be a surprise..

as soul do transform, as time pass thru..


the sole bee now knew..

it has been determined beforehand..

it will always be flying solo..

no companion at it side..

no matter hard it tries to seek..

thus, it's choosed just then, to hide..

that kept it moving from one bud to the other..

is to one trust,one believe, one love, and it'll try to kept it from retreat..

and its only toHim the All Mighty, Ever Glory..

the Lord of The whole world, and universe..

Allah S.w.T..

d heart says...-10

tick tock.. tick tock..

round d upfront clock..

its never ever hasten..

and delay is not what it hold..

once its gone..

it'll never turn back..

nor matter how hard one run..

it'll never be in the graps of this hands..

for its a precious tresure..

that keeps on blooming from beneath..

and uprise upwards..

when one does not take it fast ..

it'll just release from it steams..

and to the heaven it goes...

and its is the time..

what one has kept on ignore..

why am i bored..
i am totally bored of myself
and i know
EVERYONE IS BORED OF ME..
yeah.. its too sadis..

O Allah..
diri ini perlukan kawan sejati.. kawan yang benar2 memahami..
teman untuk melalui setiap saat detik bersama..
Diri ini memerlukanMu Allah..
Sememangnya Engkau tidak pernah jauh dari ku..tapi
entahlah..

Why am i a loner..
since dari dulu lg..
x der org nk kwn ngn aku.. sebab tu kawan ngn binatang2 jer..
n sebab tu, hamster menjadi peneman hidupku di kala suka dan duka
biarpun hamster x mampu bersuara.. tapi its better than nothing..

O Allah taala..
hantarkan diriku pergi jauh..
jauh dari mereka yang aku kenali.. sebab itu lebih mudah buat diriku untuk
bersendiri.. kerna ku tahu.. hanya Engkau di sampingku.. dan tiada yang lain
di sisiku.. jadi tidak ku kisah jika tiada yang ingin mendampingi ku..

autumn tree

ombak

diri ini sihat.. biarpun tatkala itu, kesakitannya itu tidak terungkap..

cuma, kadang2 malas untuk diri ini menutupnya.. kerana .. apa guna kertas lukisan, jika tidak diwarnai..

lebih baik diri warnakan lukisan hidup ini, dengan segala refleksi yang diri ini ingini..

dan gurisan yang dicoret di tangan dan kaki.. hanya kerana... tiada siapa yang ingin tatapi lukisan yang diraut di hati

lebih baik diri ini tatapi lukisan yang dibuat sendiri.. dan hanya mampu jika ia nampak jelas di atas tubuh ini secara fizikalnya sendiri..

dan ia juga mengingatkan diri pada keberadaan Rabb itu sentiasa..

mulut akan diitutup rapat.. tangan, kaki, mata, telinga akan berbicara kelak.. perlakuan diri..

mungkin mereka marah kerana mengukir pada mereka sewaktu di dunia.. tetapi ketahuilah anggotaku,

diriku sayang padamu semua, kerna kamu adalah ciptaan Yang Esa..

tapi perlu diri ini menghukum diri.. dan tiada yang dapat diri ini rasa, selain hukuman yang dicoret padamu.. kerana

ia jelas akan kesakitannya, dan darah yang mengalir menjadi saksi kesakitan yang dirasa..

chess game

stair

rehlah

choco hantu

di port melb tnpa camera..

munajat hambaMu Allah

Dikala malam sunyi sepi
Bani insan tenggelam dalam mimpi
Musafir yang malangini pergi membasuh diri
Untuk mengadap mu oh tuhan

Lemah lutut ku berdiri
Di hadapan mu tangisanku keharuan
Hamba yang lemah serta hina
Engkau terima jua mendekati
Bersimpuh dibawah duli kebesaran-Mu

Tuhan hamba belum pasti
Bagaimana penerimaanmu
Dikala mendengar pengaduanku
Ku yakin kau tak mungkiri
Dalam wahyu yang Kau nuzulkan
Kau berjanji menerima pengaduanku

Dan Kau berjanji sudi mengampunkan ku
Dari segala dosa yangku lakukan

Ampunan mu tuhan
Lebih besar dari kesalahan insan
Hamba yakin pada keampunanmu tuhan
Bukan tidak redha dengan ujian
Cuma hendak mengadu pada mu
Tempat hamba kembali nanti di sana

bismillahirahmanirahim..

O beloved Lord.. O Allah..
all praise is only For YOU.. only YOU..

u bestowed soo much to one here each day.. and yet.. how have one repay it.. nothing...
forgive me Allah.. please do..

even today, u bestowed me extra opportunity..

u made my path to intercept with them.. with all d mad'u's..

one doesnt have the spirit to do this da'wah a step further.. but U keep on giving one encouragement..
forgive me Allah.. forgive me for going against my promise..
forgive me for giving up easily..

O Allah.. what does it take for one to get your forgiveness..?
sanggup ku terjun dari langit
sanggup ku berenang ke seberang lautan
apa saja, asalkan daku tau Engkau ampunkan diriku..
im begging to You, my only Lord.. my beloved Lord...
Please, please accept one love.. despite one ignorance..
please forgive one here.. though one kept on repeatly doing sins..
please do Allah. please do..

air mata ini mengalir hanya keranaMu..
hanya untukMu..
jika perlu daku habiskan semuanya sehingga tiada lagi upaya buat diri..
aku sanggup lakukannya...
ampunkanlah hambaMu ini.. yang hina ini..

please do..

:'(

now one knows..
no one actually really care..
lantak ko la ysn nk buat apa pun..
asalkan ko x menyusahkan diorg buat dwh.. boleh la blah nk wat per pun..
GET LOST k !!!!

im all alone in this world..

ive no one to share my thoughts

no one to share one grieves

no one to share its happiness

yes.. one is indeed alone

O Allah.. only o You i seek and ask for guidance..

melihat dunia luar..
hati ini bagai ditusuk tajam..
telah terlalu banyak.. teramat banyak dosa dilakukan
biarpun ku sedar akan dipersoalkan di hari kebangkitkan..
tetapi ke mana kesungguhan diri untuk tidak melakukan dosa2 itu..
ya Allah... diri ini amat memerlukan petunjuk Mu..
bantulah diriku untuk perbaiki diri menjadi hamba abdiMu yang sebenarnya..
maafkanlah ya Allah..
ingin diri menjadi umpama bintang yang menyinarkan alam di kegelapan malam..
kan tapi, hati ini sarat dengan dosa, maksiat padaMu..
ampunkanlah ya Allah.. ampunkanlah..
diri ini lebih ingin melarikan diri dari akhwat sana..
biarpun aku tahu, katibah yang Engkau gerakkan hati mengorak langkah
ke sana, untuk mengingatkan aku kembali.. ukhuwah itu kekuatan umat mukmin selepas iman..
tetapi, ia lebih ingin menarik diri untuk jauh dari mereka..
tapi diri tidak mahu lari dari dakwah..
aku tidak mahu mereka kenal siapa aku
aku tidak mahu mereka ingat aku..
pasir yang membenam ini mencelarukan minda..
mengungkai akhlak mazmumah terhadap saudara2 ku..
telah aku seolah2 marah pada ahli usrah aku..
sedangkan bukan salah mereka atau akwhat lain.. semua salah aku
jikalau musáb dapat je yathrib untuk berdakwah kepada seluruh penduduk sana, kenapa aku ke MH tidak mampu lakukannya..?
sedangkan diri ini siap berteman kan saudara kasih ku..
dan tidak pula ku sedar.. semuanya penat akan turutan2 program sejak kelmarin hari..
dan itu juga sebenarnya dirasai oleh A_S.. tapi aku X SEDAR!!
kenapa aku expect setiap orang tu mampu untuk bertahan macam diri ini..
sedangkan mereka telah berkorban banyak untuk ummah, demi deen Ilahi..
tapi engkau, teramatlah sedikit yang telah engkau berikan..
mereka ikhlas.. dibandingkan dengan hatimu yang kotor..
ya Allah, teguhkanlah hati a_s di jalan haqMu.. tenangkanlah hatinya dalam menghadapi mehnah celaru dunia.. permudahkanlah dirinya dalam setiap langkah yang diatur..

aku perlu sangat2 menjarakkan diri dari mereka.. aku sayang mereka..
aku tidak mahu, kerana persoalan yang bercelaru dlm diri ini,
menjadikan mereka tempat aku melontarkan tombak, melukakan hati mereka..
mereka itu juga manusia.. dan mereka itu tabah menerima ujianMu.. tidak mereka mengeluh..
tapi engkau tidak!!

semalam usrah.. nqbh membuatkan diriku berjanji pada dakwah..
Ya Allah, janjiku pada tugasan ini hanya keranaMu.. bukan kerana mereka..
dan semalam juga,
sekali lagi, aku sedar, sekali lagi mereka ingin aku ceritakan apa yang telah aku lakukan minggu lepas..

untuk aku berterus terang kenapa aku lakukannya..
namun, ia bukan benda yang senang untuk aku ceritakan biarpun menerusi tulisan pada mereka..
hanya Engkau sahaja yang tahu apa membelenggu diriku ini..

.. ='(

bismillahirahmanirahim..

ok.. now i know why she's now in their group...
the way she sent me email...
ni membuatkan diri aku lebih cuak untuk mendekatinya..
kerana dia sudah menjadi segolongan mereka..
and im still down here below..

one by one u take them away from me Allah..
when u used to give them to me continously..
forgive me Allah, for not appreciating ur gifts..
forgive one here..

now, one really knows,
she no longer have anyone to share whats inside this heart..
one could no longer share it with her.. for she's too uphigh there..

well.. keep her steadfast where she stand..

im here with only U as what i hold..

kelesuan selepas mujahadah adalah kerana kesilapan langkah pertama..!!

BACK OFF ysn!!!
u re indeed useless!!!!!!!!!!
its all a lie!
they make as it seem u r a daie..
but in reality.. there are just making u as supportor, n not d mover !!!!

dah2..tok sah pikir pasal mereka..

fikir pasal kepentingan umat!
byk lagi cara lain yg ko boleh buat untuk berdwh kepada masyarakat..!
x perlu ko tunggu diberi kejer dulu.. keje yg diberi pun smua teknikal jer...
mmg la wat mech eng.. kt uni keje ngan mesin.. dwh pun suh keje ngan mesin ker..
x berkembang langsung.

Ya Rahman.. Ya Allah..
berikanlah diriku furqan yang sebenar2nya..
diriku ni sekarang tengah dalam dilema.. dalam kerunsingan..
jauhkan aku dari tertarik pada permainan dunia..
bantulah diri untuk ikhlas dalam beramal..
bersungguh dalam setiap gerak langkah..

im no longer among them.. let me take u as my only companion..
the one i should only call to.. Allah..

forgive me..
:'(

ya Allah..
mlm smlm ramai plak tetibe tny aku ni ader mslh ke ..
ok ke x..

aku perlu luputkan diri dari ingatan akhawat..
aku x nak kt akhirat nnt, bila diorg smu masuk syurga, tny aku kt mane..
aku malu klu smua ingt aku, n tau yang aku ni bukan ahli syurga..
sgt2 malu...
luputkan aku dari ingatan mereka kat dunia.. spy kat akhirat nnt mereka x ingt kt aku dah

mengarut

tick tock.. tick tock..

round d upfront clock..

its never ever hasten..

and delay is not what it hold..

once its gone..

it'll never turn back..

nor matter how hard one run..

it'll never be in the graps of this hands..

for its a precious tresure..

that keeps on blooming from beneath..

and uprise upwards..

when one does not take it fast ..

it'll just release from it steams..

and to the heaven it goes...

and its is the time..

what one has kept on ignore..

this morning, after i peeled of the plasters.. it looks really horror..
like ive been abused by someone.. or else, im a drug addict..
hoho.. hopefully im not being examined by any authority
but i can see my signature on my arm.. cool.

FORGIVE me ALLAH..
ive must have loose my mind when i decided to do this..
im gonna try avoid doing it anymore in the future..insyaAllah..

mentally not okay ke pebenda..

dah x rase sakit mengukir dengan pisau dan jarum di tangan kiri nie..

tapi.. biler dh lame2 br sakit... skang nk gerak tangan kiri pun susah..

yet it seems i could not stop..

mcm best jer...

yup..

i carving on it more and more.. but most of it is just lines and dots..

x der idea nk lukis aper...

maybe i should change my course to art work..

at least ader proper place to convey my art..

muahahaahahhahahaahaaa!!!!!!!!!

Your score is: 49

The likelihood that you have major or clinical depression is high.

You should see a trained health professional to confirm the diagnosis and discuss what treatment might be best for you. Some people with depression begin to feel that nothing will make them feel better. This is an expected feeling when you are depressed. You need to talk with someone about how depression is treated today and learn more about the large number of people like yourself who have recovered.

symptoms of major depressive episode

• Sadness and or irritability - yup
  
• Loss of interest or pleasure in everyday activities -totally
  
• Loss of appetite—or increase in appetite - increase of eating directly proportional to my stress level
  
• Sleep disturbances—either insomnia or excessive sleeping - either alternately
  
• Agitation or slowing in behavior - yup
  
• Fatigue - cause me shame in lectures n tute =(
  
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt - definitely
  
• Problems with thinking or concentration - its true
  
• Persistent thoughts of death or suicide. - been thinking it for quite a time now..

________________

Professional Help May Be Needed

BUT the QUESTION is..sape yang nk tolong?!!!!!

People who are depressed often want to withdraw from activities, and the resulting lack of stimulation further reduces their quality of life, creating a downward spiral. While supportive family and friends may help a person shake off mild depression, psychotherapy and/or antidepressant medication are generally needed to treat the condition adequately and prevent an even deeper depression that is harder to treat. Although support groups may offer some help with milder types of depression, they are not effective in treating severe clinical depression. Psychotherapy and/or antidepressant medication are more effective in treating severe clinical depression.

help me Allah..

ya ALLAH...
im feeling really stress out right now..
ive just finish carve on my left arm with a knife..
dont have the courage to pierce it right thru..
and i guess, alhamdulillah the courage to do it is not there..
i could have hurt my self..
but im really2 in tension right now..

penar je minum air..
smua mengalir kuar balik..
baju basah..
buku basah
meje basah..
laptop ni pn terkena sipi2 basah..
sape yang boleh tolong diriku ini..
Hanya padaMu sahaja aku berserah..
padaMu aku sembah
dan padaMu sahaja.. aku mohon pertolongan..
O Allah.. my realiance is to You..
help one here..
please do..

the call

O lord..Allah Taala..

the call You gave me.. kept me in fear..
has my time come to leave this world..

its not that i love this world..
but even the pain in this world is unbearable..
i have to wonder.. how is the pain of the call from below..
saat nyawa dicabut malaikut maut.. sudah tentu kesakitannya lagi hebat..
sakit semalam pun x sanggup nk tahan.. sehingga terasa mmg macam
nak mati dh..

ampunkan hambaMu ini Allah..
terima kasih kerana memperingatkan hambaMu tentang ajal..
yang bakal memanggil bila2 masa sahaja..
andai kata ajal aku diatur mendahului ibuku...
ampunkanlah dosa2 ibuku..dulu, sekarang dan di masa akan datang..
nanti x der sape nak doakan untuknya dh nnt..
ampunknlah..
aku tau seksa neraka itu berganda2 pedihnya..
aku sanggup tanggung dosa ibuku.. jika itu Engkau benarkan..
biarpun aku akan menyesal nanti.. tapi sayangku kepada ibu
melebihi kesakitan itu..
sayangku kepadaMu juga Allah.. aku sanggup terimanya.. sebab
aku malu untuk berhadapan denganMu kelak, disebabkan dosa2 ku
yang terlalu banyak.. mungkin sampai x muat nak isi satu universe ni pun..
faghfirrli ya Allah.. ampunkanlah..
accept my love.. even though my end is in hellfire..

and the tears streams ..

Ya Allah..
Tuhanku.. dari dulu, sekarang, sehingga ke akhirnya.. tetapkan imanku padaMu..

Allah ya Rahman.. ya Rahim..
i feel really stupid.. nk wat assignment, x reti
nk tanye sape..
smua coursemate aku mcm x nk ajar aku.. tapi klu org len tny, diorg willingly share..
am i too low to their standard..

dulu..aku x pernah menghargai ukht fillahku..
sedangkan x pernah dia jemu if i approach her..
regardless on what circustances she's in..
dlm study.. mental n health sickness..
she's always willing to spare her time ...
x pernah dier bersangka buruk..
tapi klu skng, if i share it with others, they would felt that im juz making it up.. when its not..
forgive me sis, for not able to express my gratitude to u..

O Allah.. protect my beloved sister here..
protect her from the cruelty of the world.. love her...really2 love her more than i do..
and if u decreed for me to die 1st or her, without able to meet one final time.. do let her know, i really2 love her.. for she remind me of U when i lose hope.. when im in despair..
Permudahkanlah urusan k_..c in dis dunya, to bring back islam as the eyes of the world..

one will like to meet her back in paradise.. but one know its impossible.. for she's the jannah bound servants. n one here know one will never able to step into jannah..

really forgive me Allah.. for not able to kept steadfast as a real servant. despite the bi'ah U placed one to be in..

Allah Taala.. tetapkan diriku dan akhwat semua dalam jalan sebenar.. jalan yang teguh menuju redhaMu..mengibarkan kembali panji al-haq.

k-baie,k-ja,k-fathimah,k-rahmi,k-shikin,k-hana,k-aidah,k-fazihan,k-nabihah,k-mardhiah,k-aini,k-murni, k-ainun,k-mazlin,k-aishah,k-farahhanim,k-syera,k-nisa,ksaadah,
salwana,sufia,rose,fazzliana,syafinaz,itri, aisha,jamilia,nadia,fauziyatul,mufidah,
sarah,intan,n_zaila,azrina,azni,aisha_n,sakeenah,:
:
:..... etc.. semua akhawat city, clayton, interstates.. throughout d whole universe..

ive stop taking medcine for some time..
dan biler cmtu.. rase mcm byk duit kat tngn.. even though dh ckp at mummy no need to send money anymore..n mmg dh x dibagi dh ..
but i feel like i must use the money i have, get from MARA..1200 permonth.. for rent, for bills.. n others..?
nk gn selebihnya utk beli ubat,x cukup.. bek aku gunakan ukt dakwah..
at least i know its benefits the people around.. me taking ubat, x membawa benefit pada sesiapa pun..
O Allah.. semoga pengunaan duit itu aku gunakan adalah demi mencapai redhaMu..

at the serenity of the night to dawn in 9th May

bismillahirahmanirahim..

dh lm berhajat nk tulis.. biarpun slalu berdepan dengan laptop..
tangan enggan untuk masuk blog ni.. huhu

hari ni submission thermo assignment..
alhamdulillah.. segala puji bagi Mu Rabb, Allah Taala..
telah Engkau gerakkan hati-hati ini untuk bekerjasama menyelesaikan urusan dunia dengan mudah demi melaksanakan tanggungjawab yang lebih besar.. Kibarkan kembali panji islam di mata dunia..


Allahumma ..
Rabb ya Rahman, ya Rahim.. ya Álim.. ya Muhsi..
ghafirli Allah..ghafirli..
ampunkan hambaMu ini..
telah diriku persiakan segala amalan ku selama ini..
kerap kali berjanji ingin menjadi abid mu yang taat
berhajat menjadi orang yang menyampaikan kebenaran..
tapi..
telah aku langgar janji itu..
aku tidak amanah dalam perlakuan ku.. ampunkanlah hambaMu ini..
baru aku sedar.. kenapa selama ini aku dihalang dari melangkah setapak ke hadapan dalam amal dakwah ini..
amanah dan kejujuran adalah aspek yang penting untuk memikul tanggungjawab ini.. tapi itu yang aku x der..
maafkan diri ini..
ampunkanlah ya Allah..

2nd.
semalam aku berhajat untuk df sahabat2 di lygon..
tapi bila bersemuka.. kata2 x dpt nk diluahkan.. otak jadi blank..
adakah kerana niatku telah salah ketika hendak bertemu mereka..
maafkan hambaMu ini..
gagal dalam tugasan turunan rasulullah s.a.w.

3rd.
sejak akhir2 ini.. sakit di kepala kembali menyerang..
and bukan calang2.. smpi kadang2 tu terpaksa tahan diri sebelum air mata mengalir tahan sakit.. sebab tengah duduk kt tmpt awam.. i.e. comp_lab.
tp bila bersendirian, mmg x ditahan dh.. dibiarkan mengalir..

pastu, ditambah pulak dengan sakit pelik..
as if im vibrating.. dont know what causing it.. but it felt wierd and at the same time, cause me to be disturb in doing my work.. xtau nk la sakit ke aper.. but its certainly discomforting..

and today, the pain is now spreading to my lower abdoment (RHS).. and its really painfull.. x tau la apendiks ke aper.. huhu

Ya Allah.. Engkau sahaja yang tau kesakitan diriku..
dan aku tau, ia tidak sehebat mana pun sakitnya kalau dibandingkan dengan bedilan peluru, dengan kelaparan saudara2 ku di sana..
dan kalau nk dibandingkan dengan sakit nabi ayub, memang ape la sangt sakit diriku ini..
Forgive me for whining..
i should be grateful for i still have U in my life.. and i still am able to walk, to talk, to eat, to read..etc.. there is soo much ni'kmat u bestowed upon me, but i didnt realise it, and i did not thank U for it..

O Allah, my Lord..
if what causing my pain is the best for me, i accept it with an open heart..
as long as i know,u accept me as ur servant here despite my mountain high sins..

hari ni, (8.30am) ader rehlah daie..
patutker aku pergi..?
aku ni bukan daie.. x layak nak gelar diri daie pn..
klu ikut ape yg akh atiqi ckp hr tu.. klu dh pegang satu usrah pun x layak nk gelar diri daie..
aku ni lagi la..
usrah pun x pegang.. tajmik pun x..
df tu mmg la kena.. wajib sbg muslim..
huhu..
dengan assgmnts, oral, n sakit ni..
buat diri berbelah bagi nk pegi ke x..
klu aku pegi, kemudian sakit lg teruk, aku menyusahkan akhwat len..
tu aku x nk..
sbb nnt, orang asyik ingat aku sebgi orang yang sakit..
yang x der fungsi pun nk bagi keje ape2.. sbb dier slalu sakit..
klu aku x pegi..
cmne aku nk recharge diri ini balik..
I have promised to U, Allah.. to do everything possible to be Ur servant that has an honorable level at ur side..
help me to do so..

ok.. dr td x tdo..
nk tdo.. kang x bangun subuh..
................

o ysn...

she hate u..

not that she hate Allah creation..

but she hate herself for not able to be a good servant of Allah..

one know..

each steps one take..

rarely do one remember Allah..

and when Allah decides to remind one instantaneously by each event that occur.. only then one remember.. one had forgot Him today..

Forgive her Lord... Forgive one here....

3 acccidents had occur concurrently, which i 1st started it during the easter break..

its a sign..

and one here have known.. there will be other accidents follow by.. but one did not realise it to be followed by 2 others...

and one just realise.. this is not d one that one predicted..

for this means, there will 1 more to come...

O Allah, let it not be other akhawat involve in any accident.. this cause trauma to them.. cause pain and difficulties in movement..

There are essential in moving this work.. this da'wah work..
if it need to occur to remind people of death.. then take one here instead to face it..

For one is no longer needed in doing this da'wah..
one do not want to cause burden to other people.. so let one here take it..

Though one know, paradise is no longer open for one here..

But, no matter how long one live.. one will never enter paradise anymore..

Forgive one here Allah.. for not able to obey Your Law.. Ur mandate.. Ur guidance..


___________________

one am really2 sorry Allah... she try her best to improve it each time.. but it certainly failed doing so..

Though it dont think it can bear Ur punishment of Hellfire... but there's no other place for one to be in the here after..

since one is will never even smell the scene of paradise, what more to be permitted to enter paradise..
one will surely enter the hellfire...

and the tourment in the grave is also too painful.. yet...

O Allah.. though one here longs to meet U one day.. to meet Rasulullah saw as well..
but it will juz be one dream.. a dream one will never able to achieve..

Forgive ur humble servant here..

one will be brave to enter hellfire for lifetime as long as i know, You had indeed forgiven one here, Allah..
but deep down, i know, You will never even want to look at one here when one enter the hellfire..




am really, truely sorry for not able to be ur real abid..
Abidurrahman..