27 July 2010

and He promised that when i need a help..
i need to be patience and humbly prostrate to Him..

and i guess.. my submission is not truly enough.. for each day, it my life seems darker and darker..

and today whats really test my patience..

i dont know if i could stay any longer.. but only to You,my Lord.. i put on my full trust to..

i've once seek advice from those who i care.. and i thought would care..
alhmdllahi ala kulli hal.. at least one of my sís are willing to guide me..help me..
she gave me her thoughts..

huhu.. but i guess.. i dont have the strength to proceed..
hope He'll help me thru this life..

25 July 2010

when the sorrow creeps on..

there's seem like nothing to be found.. all seem lost till there's no bound..

juz feels like its getting further and further away..

blown by the flying breeze..

until when can i hold on onto this pole..

for i've no place to tie it on......

24 July 2010



a reminder to the soul when one forgets its intention of life..

21 July 2010

this is whats been happening to me for a certain period now..

i live in fear of losing my mind..

1st. both of my foot make a problem.. they are sort of numb when standing up..

then it followed by both knees.. which kind of funny.. because i kept imagining what will happen, if i was walking or standing, and if i fall of all of a sudden.. will obviously cause questions to those around me..

but few days later, my knees are ok.. but not my feet...

and then when it start with my fingers.. even typing right now is sort of weird..
the numbness is such that i had just held snow on my bare hands.. and its numb becoz of the extreme coldness..

i guess, after one happens, it continues to spread up to different areas.. sort of like a placebo effect..

i kept it to my self for a period of time.. until when its almost a month.. no improvement, i told my mum..

but i did not tell her how long has these things last.. if not, i will obviously get scolded..

so i was given first vitamin B1, B6 & B12 (which i was told, something that will improve my nervous system function.. but it did not give any improvement..

so thats when she decide i should proceed with prednisilone.. which is under category steroid..

ok, so i took it.. and of course some of it the side effects occurred on me..

haha.. now im not taking either the vitamin or the steroid..
as i think im much of an irritable person when i'm taking it..

20 July 2010

kadangkala kita berfikir.. adakah aku ini sememangnya dijadikan di sini, tanpa ada harapan untuk langkah maju ke hadapan..
berdiri seadanya tanpa arah batasan..

tapi, adakah kita lupa.. setiap dari kita dilahirkan mempunyai tujuan untuk hidup laksana pahlawan di dunia..

pahlawan erti memperjuangkan..
pahlawan membawa seribu ketulusan..

pada yang mengarahkan diri agar tidak lepas pada keris di tangan..
adakah diri sanggup berkubu pada setiap pelosok penjuru tidak kira batasan waktu..

kerap kali calar teruris, setinggi gunung dendam di kalbu..
kan tetapi, bila runtuhnya istana dek halilintar guruh, sering kita berkubung tanpa menghirau pada mereka yang ingin tumpang berteduh..
bahkan disorak girang pada panah kilauannya..

apakah lantas untuk diri menyuram..
bila gersing taman pohonan disiram..

jika dulu hijaunya mata memandang...
kini, seolah tiada lagi harapan untuk ia kembali berulang..
hanya tinggal kenangan disulam..
harapnya kan sempat ia mencapai kemuncak sebelum berakhir hembusannya dusam..

18 July 2010

JulY..

>>16th:   my leg struggle to stand still.. in solah.. both wobbles like about to collaspe..& my back felt like being smashed by something hard

>>17th: my leg before now suffers pain as if i've just finish of a 10km race.. & continue to get worse..

>>18th: still sore in the leg and pain when walking.. tho its pain solah.. but im grateful it doesnt shake anymore when standing still.. but now, if i move my head of a sudden, my right back head crushed instantaneously.. &my right fingers not functioning really well..
but then again, without moving my head has actually triggered the pain to appear out of nowhere..

oh, i need to record this becoz apparently my doc here insist to know the exact date and duration of each incident..

but, only today i remembered to record it.. anything else b4, i forgot to do so..

15 July 2010

adkh lyk aku berdiri di sini..
sdgkan diriku ini lmh dr sgl sisi..
kaki ingin meungundur...
tp hati ingin terus melangkah..
huhu.. guide my my Lord... please do..

14 July 2010

aku tgh berkira2 tuk menukar kerja..

keje ngn gov plak..

atas sebab2 jangka masa pjg..

12 July 2010

ada kalanya.. ia rasa ingin pergi.. jauh dari posisi yang sedang ia berdiri..

dan ada juga kalanya.. dirasakan dirinya sudah hampir pada yang memliki dirinya..

mentari yang dulunya dinanti, seakan semakin hilang dari pacaindera sinarnya..

apakah akan terus ia berdiri.. melangkah teguh pada ikatan yg satu ini..

O my Lord.. please guide my steps here..