25 November 2011



I've been letting you down, down
Girl I know I've been such a fool
Giving in to temptation
I should've played it cool

The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break

'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

She was kind of exciting
A little crazy, I should've known
She must have altered my senses
As I offered to walk her home

The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break

'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

A stupid mistake
She means nothin' to me
Nothin' to me
I swear every word is true
Don't want to lose you

The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake

It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love

Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to anyone of us
Say you will forgive me

Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take
My heart will break

'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

06 November 2011

my Lord..do guide each of my steps, actions and words..
forgive me for my sins..

04 November 2011

happy birth day to my self :)

may the years ahead, make me more mature..

and are in the group of those who gain His blessings now and forever..

22 October 2011

t

this morning i woke with  throat pain..

the more i drank water, the more painful it is..

and today decided not to join my colleagues to eat lunch, for personal reasons..

anyway, today it pour heavily on my way back from work like y'day..
'
i'm not sure wheather the pain in the throat is caused by the rain or it was infected from colleagues at my work place..

anyhow, i beg  You, My Lord.. may this sickness give ma insight on how to finish up my last assignment.. as i'm really blur on how to do it, until this very day..

13 October 2011

its been a long time since i sneak in here..

well.. there's nothing much for me to say.. except.. of  course my headache is starting to burn back on again.. and this time, it occur more frequently than usual.. in the morning, afternoon, evening and at night.. so if we have 24 hours a day, and let say my night sleep is about 6-7 hours / day, leaving me with 17 hours of 'consciousness' or awake.. and from this wake period, half of the time, i will gain or more precise attack me with headache..

sometimes, or often, when it occur, i presumeably and always hope my sins will be wiped out because of the anguish pain..
now, to think about it.. i suddenly realise.. the similar headache occurred to me when i was in secondary school.. especially when performing the obligatary prayer, congregation maghrib & isya' one..

i did not think it is a symptoms which lead me to this everlasting disease..

and when i gain a dengue in 2005, it has become the cause for my immune system to react a year later..

well.. He who plan it well, have better plan for me in the future.. insyaAllah..

so, lets wait.. in dignity..

26 September 2011

being back home for a year and a half, is quite frustrating..
everything my parents talk about is my brother and sister..
and believe me, the way they talk about them as if, my siblings are the
children that they only proud of..

i feel really depressed..

they are saying of encouraging them to continue to stay abroad, and work abroad..

but, why did'nt they encourage me to do so, while i was studying there..

they ask my sis to stay there, work there, and continue her specialization there in her profession..

but why didn't they do the same for me back then..?

my mum keep on visiting either my sis or bro each year, but did she ever try to visit me back then alone, without my dad to come along..?

i feel like discriminated by my own parents..

if i do something not of the ordinary, they will easily get mad with me..

but, when my bro or sis do so, they never question it..

i now do agree why 2nd child of the family is always lack of love..

and i think, i'm an unwanted child.. perhaps, if they have gotten a 2nd child as boy, they will certainly never try to get other child later..

i also know, why my mum now is willing to ask me to go our with her.. as my siblings are not here to accompany her..

when at 1 time, there were my mum, sis and me in a car to go somewhere, do you know, both of them keep talking together as if i don't even exist in the car..

i am an unwanted daughter who are costing them more to support me because of my tOO expensive medicine..

hey, do know.. i did not ask for this disease.. and in a way, their action each day are saying to me, that i'm burdening them..

yeah, i have taken a another course in applied science.. and believe it or not, i made that decision, because my mum keep talking about my sis who says she was interested in taking it..

now knowing, my sis is never gonna take it, as she will be continuing her work abroad and specialize there, im now regretting for taking it..

see.. how my parents treat their children differently.. and how i hate myself for it..
for having to pretend that im okay with it..

p/s: another reason for them to dislike me, perhaps because im trying to choose the real way of my religion.. i know.. it shouldn't have matter to me whether they love me or not.. as long as i have the One true Love.. from my God..

22 August 2011

now its left to the last 7 days of ramadhan..

i need to enhance my deed in this month b4 its end..


chaiyook!

31 July 2011

o my Lord..

give me strength to face this blessing month..

guide each of my steps to you, be it in my worship or in my work..

let the challenges you bestow me to face, be the healer to the wounds of my sins..

for the sake of Thy's name, this humble servant of Thy proceed..

12 July 2011

Today it come to my realization, when a good friend told me that, when we choose to join this path, its a blessing from Allah to purify oneself...

Perhaps the person that lost was planned by Him to part them from us, because if we stay close to them, it might bring us back to disobey Him wtih more sins..

friends are like mirror.. when the friend is good, it shows that we are good..

11 July 2011

this path has lead me to loose friends..

when i'm not a person who can socialize easily with people,
being on this path, had lead me to be a lonesome person..

and i thought, this walk should tighten the rope that had tied our hands.. yet, now i realize.. i was never a chosen one..

perhaps, they have even regretted it for inviting me to join them, back then..

but they do not loose anything.. as they are still favorable among them.. and yet, it had leave me alone.. behind..

well.. i think this has cause me to be in depression in a way or another..

i hope, it wont make me loose my mind because of it..

09 July 2011

lately the feeling seem to bother me..

should i stay on.. or should i let it go and put off..?

questions that keep on pounding on me, asking me to be quick to make the decision..

sometimes, i do wonder.. am i born to vow to this so called job..?

when, all i could think is that it has caused me to loose many of my friends.. and even weigh heavily on my studies back then..

it has also caused me to loose the trust from my parents..

so, do u call it good, when it brings the fact of loosing your life in this world..?

although the so called job brought me to a new bound of colleagues..
yet now, they seem to keeping a distance from me..further and further away in fact..as they are trying to ignore me as often as they could.. tho i've tried numerous times to get in touch with them.. but to no avail..

this have lead me to a lonesome life.. when i could have many others out there, if i did not change my path back then..

the only thing that kept me from straying away is when i heard once, where the prophet saw said..something that explain..
"those who make other people in anger to please Him, thus He will always be by one side.. and those who do things to make other people please, but cause anger to Him, thus, he will be left alone.."

but, then again.. i dont have other people around me.. except my family, which i think, if they could get rid of me, they would have done it long time ago..

hm.. my Lord, guide me in my doubtfulness here as there's no one who would do so...

04 July 2011

hari ini kepala aku rasa seperti mahu pecah..

mungkin sebab aku terlalu lama sgt menghadcap computer..

kt ofis hadap screen comp..

kr rumah pn tgk jer... hoho..

tgh hari org len kuar lunch.. aku tidur sebentar 5 mins.. kt meja..

bila kawan ofis kejut, terkejut benar aku..

tapi kuranglah skit sakit kepala..

tp not completely.. this have to make me wonder..

apakah sudah tiba masanya aku pergi.......?

Andai ini hari akhirku..

Andai ini hari akhirku..
Bawaku pergi dalam tundukku padaMu

Andai ini hari akhirku..
Pimpinkan diriku pada redhaMu

Andai tiada lagi ruang nafas buat diriku..
Ampunkan diriku dalam hari-hari silamku..

Andai telah tiba masaku..
Sinarkan cahaya rahmatMu dalam gelap yang menantiku..

Andai telah diriku mungkir pada janjiku padaMu..
Bukanlah ruang untuk aku kembali sujud padaMu..

Andai tiba hari perhitunganMu..
Sudilah kiranya Engkau bertemu dengan hinanya diriku..
Moga memayungi diriku dengan nilai rahmat kasihMu..
Harapanku pada dekatnya panggilanMu..

24 May 2011

my head is now pulsating badly..
i wonder.. how long it will attack me today..

a good news come by me..

my friend have successfully tie their knot in marriage last saturday, 21st may..

it was actually a surprise to me as i was not aware of it.. until the photos of their wedding was posted in FB..

well.. barakallahumma to the couple..

may Allah Ta'ala bless their marriage.. :)

08 May 2011

after few years, only today i realized..
my memory is getting worse each day..
even today, i felt like it was only a few months since i left my univ. place..
but then.. today, counting it back..
it has been more than a year..

i am now almost a quater century of age..
but i still felt like i just turn 21 few months before..
and when i look around my friends.. most of them are married or getting marry soon..

i didn't thought of marrying because i felt im still young.. where-else im actually no longer young..

and i brought this up.. because when i reflect all my 'amal'.. it does not get better each day nor each month nor each year..
because i did not felt like its a new day each morning when i rise up from my night sleep..

if i used to remember all the things i've read, but now..
i no longer can do so..
surah that i used to remember together with its meaning..
has started to wither word by word each day..
and because of it, i used to hear the surah recited by others so that i remember it, even just with its wording without the meaning.. but its not good actually to not recall everything recited without the meaning..

my Lord.. the Most Merciful..
please let me remember You always..and please stay close to my heart..
do not let me astray from Your Guidance and trut Path..
do remind me my vow that i love You.. for me to fulfill the vow to You at all times..

~seeker of Allah Ta'ala lover

07 May 2011

Di kesepian malam,damainya jiwa
Hatiku yang agak keras kini bergetar seketika
Pandanganku dilempar ke luar jendela
Berpaling seketika tumpuanku daripada buku yang menjadi santapan pacaindera anugerah dariNya
Kulihat suasana di sekitar ku lembap,
dengan titisan-titisan air dari atap..
di hujung daun-daun pohon di luar tingkap..

Owh..Segala Puji Hanya UntukNya

Diturunkan air hujan dari awan-awan di langit yang saban hari tetap dalam melaksanakan tugas mereka..
Disirami bumi ini untuk menyegarkan segala isi dalamnya..
Agar mereka yang berakal mampu berfikir akan kebesaran ni'mat 'sains' dariNya kepada insan-insan di dunia..

Secara tidak langsung, ku mengimabau sejenak kepada pengisian di waktu langit kemerah-merahan menandakan sang pemancar sudah bersedia untuk pergi memberi laluan kepada kegelapan malam mengambil alih tugas, merehatkan mahluk-mahluk Ilahi..

Adakah selama ini aku menjadi hambaNya yang tidak bersyukur?
Telah ku akui diriku hina setiap kali ku mengahadapNya.
Telah diriku pinta agar tidak lari dari mendapat keredhaanNya.
Sudahpun diriku berkali-kali meminta itu ini dariNya...
Akan tetapi, apakah yang telah aku berikan kepadaNya sebagai tanda syukurku pada anugerah yang tidak pernah gagal diberikan kepadaku olehNya??

Bergenang air mataku mendengarkan kalimahNya..

"apabila seseorang insan itu melakukan kebaikan, maka akan Allah membalas kebaikkan itu dengan melipat gandakan kebaikkan itu pada insan tersebut.." (surah 40: ayat 23)

Tidak kira sebesar mana pun kebaikan, itu, walau sekecil-kecil zarah...Akan Allah melipat gandakan ibarat biji benih yang ditanam yang menjadi pohon yang bercabang tujuh, dan kemudian setiap ranting itu berbuah seratus..700 kali digandakan..
Alangkah Maha Pemurah, Maha Pengasih, Maha Berkuasa,Maha Adil, seadil-adilnya..
Mendengarkan kalimah ini, hatiku terasa bagai ditusuk jarum berbisa...
Aku ini telah GAGAL..telah menjadi hamba yang jarang sekali bersyukur dengan semua yang sedia ada...
Setiap kebaikkan yang ku lakukan, pasti akan ku teringat-ingat kembali di kepalaku..Sehingga menyebabkan aku menjadi riak dengan tidak sengaja..

Aku tidak mahu kebaikan yang kulakukan nanti ditimbang hanya seberat kapas, apatah lagi lebih ringan.. walaupn diarasa telah memberi kebaikan seberat gunung.. namun, bila timbul, terdetik sj perasaan riak, hancurlah dan sia-sia kebaikan itu..

Ku kira, sekarang ini timbangan neraca ku sangat ringan di sebelah kebaikan(kanan) kerana perasaan riak dalam dirku..
Perlu ku berusaha memberatkan kembali neraca kananku..
Ya Allah...ampunkanlah dosa ku..
ampunkanlah kerana selama ini aku riak dalam beribadah kepadaMu

Beri aku peluang untuk perbaiki diriku..
KeredhaanMu ku pinta untuk mengiringi usahaku untuk mendekatkan diri kepadaMu..
Sujud dahi ku, hanya untukMU
Tenaga tubuhku, untuk digunakan di jalanMu..

Ya Allah..Matikanlah hambaMu ini sebagai para syuhadah dan ahli jannah bersama sama ahli keluargaku dan saudara-saudara seperjuanganku..

"Kemudian setelah itu hatimu menjadi keras seperti batu, bahkan lebih keras lagi. Padahal di antara batu-batu itu terdapat sungai-sungai yang mengalir darinya, dan diantaranya ada yang terbelah lalu keluarlah mata air darinya, dan di antaranya ada yang meluncur jatuh karena takut kepada Allah . Dan Allahsekali-kali tidak lengah dari apa yang kamu kerjakan." {al-baqarah:74}

30 April 2011

for the past few days, my dad was having flu...
it was quite bad actually...
and to make it worse, he sits in front of the fan (on of course)..
while im beside doing some reading..
and he kept on sneezing continuously..
this happen for 3 days..
i asked him to switch off the fan, but he insisted that he is hot..
how could someone be hot when that person is on flu..
and yesterday, the viruses hit me..
i was attacked with flue.. and this morning, when i woke, my head was spinning.. felt like im going to have a fever..
at my work place, even tho i put my sweater on, my workmate persisted to one the aircond..
which of course caused my flu to be worst than ever..
huhu..~hope these sickness will erase the sins that i've done..

28 April 2011

for the past few days.. i came realize that i'm not suit to drive...
been driving for the past 7 years..
why does this realization came to me today..?
well, as today, when i was driving back home, it was raining heavily, and i got stuck in a heavy traffic..
and my head started pounding..
i couldn't look clearly and focus..
which is bad for me and other road users..

this brought me to think back when i was in secondary school, perhaps in either from 2 or form 3.. (2000-2001)
there come a time when i was prostrating in my prayer, as my forehead touches the ground, the pain started to build in my head, and caused a real pain.. it happen till the end of my form 3 in that school..
when i moved to another boarding school for my upper secondary education, i couldn't recall whether the 'pain' was still attacking in each of my prostration or it was gone..

later, when i was in my preparation education for the Univ, i was bitten my some mosquitoes there and got dengue fever from it.. and after this dengue attack, the attack on my head was gone.. (2004)

about 3 years i was free from any pain in the head.. until in 2007, the attack started once again.. and then i knew what had been causing it before in the former years..
just several years later, when i was appointed to meet a neurologist, what was the reason for all these weird symptoms that had been attacking me..

well, its a beautiful plan lay out by The All Mighty..
He knew i was too innocent back then in 2000-2001 to understand the reason for the attack, which is why He did not guide my guts to inform my mum about it.. as if i were to do it back then, i would have known about the disease i was in.. and believe me, knowing that one have any disease that others rarely got, will somehow affect the emotional state inside and will effect the person capabilities of doing the things that he/she was used to..
this is a confession from me, who had undergo this emotional state when i knew later about this disease at the age of 20..
which was still hard to get control of it even though im no longer a kid when i was exposed to the knowledge..

and now, i have to get myself to control it and overcome this feelings of overwhelmed..
each time i feel lay down.. i need to remind myself, the abundance of gifts that were bestowed to me and cherish my life all these years, as compare to others, who are not pour with the ni'mat..

24 April 2011

22 april 2011:
i had a very weird dream last nite, and it seems so real.. like the scenes around me are really happening..
i dream on having my marriage with one of my schoolmate, secondary schoolmate.. cky

it was planned marriage, arranged by my mum, who got to know him once, when we were having open house for the raya event in 2005...

in that dream, i asked my mum, how did she managed to get my friend to marry me.. and she told me, through FB
my mum recognized him in my friend’s list and i guess, she further probbed in his life by asking him whether he’s interested in marrying me..

on my wedding day (in this dream), only both sides parents and we know of about the marriage.. and after the marriage, we live separately and the people around us did not know we were married..

it was good to know i did not live with him, as i did not even remember when and where was the akad nikah..
the 1 night dream seems like a week of life..
----
24th April..
wow.. i could not interpret what my dream is proposing to me.. it seem to me its a sign that something is about to happen..?
come to think bout it, after the dream, i got the news my friend is gonna wed soon..

well, it is a sign..
and i guess, this happen again..
where i used to have interpration of what gonna happen, but its just that im not sure who will be the real person to the person i dream..

wallahu’alam..

16 April 2011

hammy in a miserable state..~

every day you gone thru, there must be a day u felt like im not up to do it today..

thats what i felt today..
if each week im very energetic to go for that particular meeting/discussion..

but today its not day ..
the feeling washed away as i woke up this morning..

and even worse as each minute pass by..
when i was finding reason to tell the 'chairman' of the meeting, for not able to attend it, my mum made it possible right thru..

she's gone to work and drove away with the car i was supposed to be using..

and later, i asked her, why did she used the car when i've told her earlier im gonna used it this morning..

and she asked me to use the other car..

well, NO.. i can't drive that car.. im not confident to do so..
and i don't think im up to it.. to drive that big car..

as lately, i think my sight is getting worse.. and i drove pretty cautiously each day going to work and back from work..

when i told the chairman im not capble of attending the small gathering, she was quite upset.. and i guess, angry (in a way) with me..

huhu.. cone to think about it.. why did i first choose and vow to commit to this short gathering each week..?

i dont know what can i say to defend myself any longer..

its my 'fault' i guess...~

12 April 2011

"Seorang lelaki telah menemui Rasulullah lalu berkata: Aku berjanji setia kepada engka untuk berhijrah dan berjihad demi mendapatkan pahala daripada Allah SwT. Rasulullah saw bertanya: Apakah salah seorang daripada ibu bapa kamu masih hidup? Lelaki itu menjawab: Ya, ada. Nabi bertanya: Engkau hendak mendapatkan pahala daripada Allah? Lelaki itu menjawab:Ya. Nabi bersabda: "Pulanglah engkau ke pangkuan ibu bapamu! Elokkan persahabatan dengan mereka berdua" (Muttafa'alaih)"


setiap kali aku membaca hadis ini, mesti aku bertanya kepada diri, betulkah jalan yang aku pilih untuk lalui ini..
ibu bapa vs jihad..

well, in a way, benda ini adalah seperti jihad juga..
dan hari ini, salah sorang sahabat aku telah membantu aku menguraikan erti hadis ini pada masa kini..
antara beberapa orang aku tanya, hanya sorang sahaja sudi berkongsi buah fikirannya kepada aku..
jazakillah khyr buat sahabat ini..

09 April 2011

in the ear of my cats vs humans..

i have 2 cats.. similar in a way.. cause they are brothers..
the difference between them is their tail..

so when i see both of them, i need to look first at its tail.. before calling them.. although i think, they like to pretend they can't here me..
because when i call them, they refuse to answer.. either by coming or just by looking back..

my mum and i conclude, they have selective hearing.. when they want something, such as food or just a head path, then they will quickly respond to their name..

such cute cats.. :)

this make me look at the society around..

people actually have this selective hearings as well..
they only choose to listen or hear to people they choose or when they want something back in return..

when people hear news or given a word of advice.. he or she can choose whether to listen or to ignore..

they hear thru their ears, but not with their heart.. and this i call as selective hearing..

so, we can decide weather we are among the ones who only listen to things with their ears, or we want to be the one who listen with their hearts..

04 April 2011

today my head feels like exploding, while my body felt like fainting.. huhu..
perhaps becoz i took caffeine 2 days in a row.. friday and saturday..

31 March 2011

sejak akhir2 ni.. klu aku terbau apa-apa jenis makanan yang aku tak gemar.. aku jadi loya dan tak lalu makan..
especially klu bau makanan tu sgt kuat..
contoh.. Kari.. dan Asam Pedas..

padahal dulu, asam pedas tu aku ske.. tapi skang, bler bau makanan tu kuat.. aku x jadi..
duk sebelah orang yg makan tu pun x bley.. ape kena ntah.. huhu

28 March 2011


this morning i woke up as usual to perform my morning prayer..
I guess, because i stay up a bit long last night to read the seerah of the prophet (peace be upon him), i was quite sleepy this morning..
so, after my fajr, i lay down on the bed and went to sleep unintentionally..
then i have a weird dream.. it almost seem so realistic as if i'm in that dream and i'm not even sleeping...

then my mum open my bedroom and woke me up.
it startled me seeing my mum early.. as usually when i'm off to work.. then i look at my phone time..

oh no!! im late for work.. its already 7.20am, and it took half an hour for me to get to my work place.. and i've not even wash myself yet..

so, i rushed things up and depart from my house at 7.45am..

because of the unusual morning, my day at work this morning was energize.. perhaps because of the push, i guess..

later in the afternoon.. i got a message from my mum..

my somewhat grandmother (my mum's aunt) pass away this morning..innalillahi wa innalillahi rajium

"" It is Allâh Who takes away the souls at the time of their death, and those that die not during their sleep. He keeps those (souls) for which He has ordained death and sends the rest for a term appointed.
Verily, in this are signs for a people who think deeply."[az-zumar(39):42]

now it trigger to me bout my morning..
i could have been the one whose time has come to leave this world..

its to remind me, my time will come soon..
the death is near..

no one can prevent it..

how will i use each day He bestow me the chance to live..

"Ya Allah hu Ya Rabbi, this humble servant bow down to you from the beginning of its life till the day it time has come to meet You. Alhamdulillah for all the blessings You keep on giving to me and my family. This humble and despicable servant request for Your continuous Guidance (hidayah) in everything that me & my family do. Do guide us to the truth path..Do not let us astray from the rightly path. we hope Your Pleasure (redha) is with us."

ya muqalibull qulub..
tsabit kulubbana ala deenik wa ala toátik..
wa ala dakwati'..

24 March 2011

seorang mukmin itu tidak akan menampakkan kesusahan dirinya kepada mukmin yang lain..

“Dan sungguh akan Kami berikan cobaan kepadamu, dengan sedikit ketakutan, kelaparan, kekurangan harta, jiwa dan buah-buahan. Dan berikanlah berita gembira kepada orang-orang yang sabar. .” (Al-Baqarah(2) : 155)
have we ever wonder why bees needle sting..?
producing the sweetest honey in it hive, its needle convey it otherwise..
the sweet endeavoring honey is in fact the best medcine for many kind of diseases.. its clearly stated in the kalamullah it self..


"And your Lord inspired the bees, saying: "Take you habitations in the mountains and in the trees and in what they erect. "Then, eat of all fruits, and follow the ways of your Lord made easy (for you)." There comes forth from their bellies, a drink of varying colour wherein is healing for men. Verily, in this is indeed a sign for people who think."(an-Nahl:68-69)

i) for every 'poison', there is a cure.. the bees needles sting, but it was stated in the Quran, for it, there's a medicine to it (honey) be it naturally produced or made in the lab by mankind.. (medcine).
ii) the goodness of eating fruits are conveyed here by Allah Taála hinted on the bees to eat 'all fruits' and at the same time follow / obey His order.. which means, one can't expect to gain the benefit of something by just following 1 rule if there is in fact 2 rule to gain for success..

"And when I am ill, it is He Who cures me; (80) "Who will cause me to die, and then to live (again); (81) "And Who, I hope will forgive me my faults on the Day of Judgment… (82) O my Lord! Bestow wisdom on me, and join me with the righteous; (83) "Grant me honourable mention on the tongue of truth among the latest (generations); (84) "Make me one of the inheritors of the Garden of Bliss;"(asy-Syu'ara(26))


for this i put my trust in Him..for the unbearable pain in my head.. i hope it'll cure my heart from the sickness of this world..
and for the day when i'll rise up once again after i moved on, i hope this sickness will be one of the reason for you to erase the sins i've done.. bet it intentionally or unintentionally..
put me then to be among the righteous one..

Grant me honorable mention on the tongue of truth among the latest (generations) & please make me one of the inheritors of the Garden of Bliss;.'


amin ya rabbal alamin..~
please hear me.. Ameen~
adey... why do i feel this way.. help me my Lord, to choose the decision..
to stay on or to raid it off.. huhu

given by my friend, sis this song.. luve it.. and luve her for it..

""
Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

""

16 March 2011

In the early online edition of the journal Biological Psychiatry, it was published that brain atrophy causes depression in multiple sclerosis patients

Reading this made me look back at my mri, after a couple of months suspected of having MS..

well, there are few lesions in my brain.. and yes, there's some at the place which was said to cause depression...

so, i must be depressed at that time because of the lesion attack here..

10 March 2011

2 weeks ago..
i went to the 'lab'to do my mRi scan..
and 2day got the result..

it wasnt bad in my opinion.. but the doc said, its not good
and suggested me for 2nd degree treatment..
which mean, a more risk treatment.. for cancer patients i think..

bcoz of the highly cost treatment, i was requested by my mum to get into ozzie..
as there are more treatment there compare to this country..

ntahlah...

ya Rabbi.. my trust & faith lies in U..

08 March 2011

i think i can diagnosed my headache attack..

when i'm stressed on a thing on someone, the back of my head will start to pulse painfully..

and that what happen 2day..~

07 March 2011

i used to be caffeine addict..
a cup of coffee a day is a must (minimum)..
and back in those days, i can drink several cups of coffee and still sleep soundly..
and last year, my aim was to stop my coffee addiction after 6 years..
which was quite difficult at the beginning..
but by the end of last year, i manage to stop drinking coffee..
also avoid drinking chocolate drink as i found out chocolate also has caffiene in it..

until this evening.. i finally break my record.. by taking a cup of cuppucino..
i'll have to see whether i'm still immune to caffiene or not..
immune in a sense i can sleep peacefully and soundly without difficulty..

01 March 2011

if there is a glass ball in the palm of my hand..
then my body is as such the ball just crush when it land
if the rainbow race across after the rain..
then my soul that was once died, now feel to beats again..
in the darkness of the night,shine the gleaming moon..
and the sun rise high, why its now noon..

28 February 2011



this remind me of how vulnerable i am on this earth..

26 February 2011

for the past 2 weeks.. ive gone thru a lot..
a lot in a sense of by selfbeing..

last week.. i burnt my hand..
and the day before y'day, i fell from the bike..

is this a sign to me my Lord..?
being given a chance to still breath..
means, i need to do more..
as a humble servant to Him..

ok, i dont have the mood to write anymore.. till then..

19 February 2011

recently i accidentally burnt my left hand..
the pain was extremely unbearable.. and i was at the work place at the time this incident occur..~
i can't complain to my workmates..
so yeah, i felt like screaming like #$%^&*..
but then, i know it wont make any better..
thought i would not able to type or drive for that matter..
and then again, im worng..
nothing beats its the best than His will..

it has now been 3 months since this numbness to my palm and fingers occured..and it still has not recover..
but im glad, despite the numbness, my hand could still feel the pain when the boiled water spill onto my hand..
its weird isn't it..

today, somehow, my mind return back my memory to a story i've learnt when i was in my upper secondary school..
the Lótus eáter..
the plot of the story somehow make me wonder.. will my life be like the banker in the story..?
i can plan.. but to what extend will it go with the plan..?
i can;t imagine until what age i'll live on..
despite the urgent need to return to the live of the other side..
i know i won't able to face it with distinction in the evaluation time..

hm.. ya Rabb..
do forgive my sins that i've develop accidently or with intention to it..
nothing will ever make this sins tarnish except with Your Forgiveness my Lord..

07 February 2011

hr tu, gi across the south china sea..
and at one of the park, it was raining..

and i was walking down the stairs, and i fall. with my spine hitting the ground..
huh.. skang dh sakit sluruh badan.. cmne ntah..
one thing i realize tho, throughout my 3days journey there..
im not meant to be on this 'road'..

i know, this question/statement keep on appearing now and then.. but today i think, it proves it all..

yo la.. nothing more i guess, cud say it all..

29 January 2011

yes, i have to insist admitting im in no pain..

tho at times, the hurt is unbearable.. but i have 2 stand on making it bearable..

let the body wound, to let it nourish the heart..

12 January 2011

bét@fEron vs fev3R

2 choose btwn 2..


amik betaF, i'l b getting a heavy fEver..

x amik betaF kang, mS bertmbh truk..

huhu.. td amik betaF.. skng tgh demam truk..

cmne la nk bgn g keje sok..
huhu..

ok..dh x lrt ni.. nite2..
a remebrance 2 my beloved pEt..

11 January 2011

kadangkala.. senang untuk kita mengungkapkan kata ikhlas..
lahir dari bibir.. namun sejurus itu juga ia terbang dibawa hembusan angin..

pelbagai jenis gerak kerja yg jelas perlu keikhlasan..
dan kebanyakkan darinya itu, mencorak menjadi sebahagian dari daily time-plan..

dan daripada itu, apabila ia menjadi suatu rutin..kebiasaan..
maka.. sedar ataupun tidak.. keikhlasan yang pada awalnyer zahir murni..
lama kelamaan, ia hanya sekadar menjadi ikhlas pada minda..tp bukan lagi di hati..

--------------
"wahai tuhanku.. aku keluar untuk merenungi hebatnya ciptaanMu, dinaungi indahnya pawana ukiranMu,Yang Maha Agung..
untuk melahirkn keinginan dalam diri ini untuk terus sujud padaMu..dan lebih mengenaliMu dengan lebih erat..
Ya Rabb, tetapkanlah diriku untuk tetap taat padaMu, biarpun ramai di luar sana memilih untuk pergi jauh dariMu.."

"ya Allah.. maafkan hambaMu ini dlm segala kata2nya, baik secara penulisan mahupun tata bicara,,
maafkan diri ini, jika ia dizahirkan bukan untuk menggapai redhaMu..maafkan, jika ia lahirkan titisan2 riya dlm hatiku..
lebih ku mohon keampunanMu, andai setiap perilaku ku bertentangan dari kata2 ku..
faghfirrli ya Rahman.. faghfirlli ya Raheem.."
-------------

05 January 2011

alhamdulillahi ala kulli hal..

is granted d chance 2 still breath in.. despite all ongoing things that been evolving around me..

alhamdulillah 4 d new work..
this new work place, despite its surround by factories, and its a mix  of all sort of races.. as far i can say, d base of islamic teachings are still there..
this shouldn't be any reason why i should not portray this deen proudly..

alhamdulillah ya rabb..
for this pair of eyes.. when i can see, while many others have this gift tuck aside..

alhamdulillah for these legs..
get me moving, finding nourishment..

alhamdulillah for my 10 fingers..
tho they are striving to make each move to this very sec..
d greatest thanks i should lay it out to You, as for the past 23 years, these are the fingers that u gave me, to use it in every possible action..
without them, i will not be here, as i'm now..
alhamdulillah :)

alhamdulillahillazi...
d motion of love You've bestow in me..
make me love all the living animals thats lifted onto this earth..
i may not be a person who knows how to talk n socialize with people..
and with this, You gave me the bond with the animals around..

alhamdulillah to Lord of the whole Universe..
im still given d lifetime of living along with my mum..
others might look at my mum and think, "pity u, it must been hard to live up ur deen by having her around.."
but i LOVE my mum more than other people around..
she may not live up the deed, but her heart always seems to be cleanse by pure water each day..

well, there's a lot more and great provisions bestowed upon.. and there are no kind of thanks i could give..
but, i do love my LORD.. Allah Subhanna wa Ta'ala

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typing speed: 20 wrds/min
-this is so slow!