30 April 2011

for the past few days, my dad was having flu...
it was quite bad actually...
and to make it worse, he sits in front of the fan (on of course)..
while im beside doing some reading..
and he kept on sneezing continuously..
this happen for 3 days..
i asked him to switch off the fan, but he insisted that he is hot..
how could someone be hot when that person is on flu..
and yesterday, the viruses hit me..
i was attacked with flue.. and this morning, when i woke, my head was spinning.. felt like im going to have a fever..
at my work place, even tho i put my sweater on, my workmate persisted to one the aircond..
which of course caused my flu to be worst than ever..
huhu..~hope these sickness will erase the sins that i've done..

28 April 2011

for the past few days.. i came realize that i'm not suit to drive...
been driving for the past 7 years..
why does this realization came to me today..?
well, as today, when i was driving back home, it was raining heavily, and i got stuck in a heavy traffic..
and my head started pounding..
i couldn't look clearly and focus..
which is bad for me and other road users..

this brought me to think back when i was in secondary school, perhaps in either from 2 or form 3.. (2000-2001)
there come a time when i was prostrating in my prayer, as my forehead touches the ground, the pain started to build in my head, and caused a real pain.. it happen till the end of my form 3 in that school..
when i moved to another boarding school for my upper secondary education, i couldn't recall whether the 'pain' was still attacking in each of my prostration or it was gone..

later, when i was in my preparation education for the Univ, i was bitten my some mosquitoes there and got dengue fever from it.. and after this dengue attack, the attack on my head was gone.. (2004)

about 3 years i was free from any pain in the head.. until in 2007, the attack started once again.. and then i knew what had been causing it before in the former years..
just several years later, when i was appointed to meet a neurologist, what was the reason for all these weird symptoms that had been attacking me..

well, its a beautiful plan lay out by The All Mighty..
He knew i was too innocent back then in 2000-2001 to understand the reason for the attack, which is why He did not guide my guts to inform my mum about it.. as if i were to do it back then, i would have known about the disease i was in.. and believe me, knowing that one have any disease that others rarely got, will somehow affect the emotional state inside and will effect the person capabilities of doing the things that he/she was used to..
this is a confession from me, who had undergo this emotional state when i knew later about this disease at the age of 20..
which was still hard to get control of it even though im no longer a kid when i was exposed to the knowledge..

and now, i have to get myself to control it and overcome this feelings of overwhelmed..
each time i feel lay down.. i need to remind myself, the abundance of gifts that were bestowed to me and cherish my life all these years, as compare to others, who are not pour with the ni'mat..

24 April 2011

22 april 2011:
i had a very weird dream last nite, and it seems so real.. like the scenes around me are really happening..
i dream on having my marriage with one of my schoolmate, secondary schoolmate.. cky

it was planned marriage, arranged by my mum, who got to know him once, when we were having open house for the raya event in 2005...

in that dream, i asked my mum, how did she managed to get my friend to marry me.. and she told me, through FB
my mum recognized him in my friend’s list and i guess, she further probbed in his life by asking him whether he’s interested in marrying me..

on my wedding day (in this dream), only both sides parents and we know of about the marriage.. and after the marriage, we live separately and the people around us did not know we were married..

it was good to know i did not live with him, as i did not even remember when and where was the akad nikah..
the 1 night dream seems like a week of life..
----
24th April..
wow.. i could not interpret what my dream is proposing to me.. it seem to me its a sign that something is about to happen..?
come to think bout it, after the dream, i got the news my friend is gonna wed soon..

well, it is a sign..
and i guess, this happen again..
where i used to have interpration of what gonna happen, but its just that im not sure who will be the real person to the person i dream..

wallahu’alam..

16 April 2011

hammy in a miserable state..~

every day you gone thru, there must be a day u felt like im not up to do it today..

thats what i felt today..
if each week im very energetic to go for that particular meeting/discussion..

but today its not day ..
the feeling washed away as i woke up this morning..

and even worse as each minute pass by..
when i was finding reason to tell the 'chairman' of the meeting, for not able to attend it, my mum made it possible right thru..

she's gone to work and drove away with the car i was supposed to be using..

and later, i asked her, why did she used the car when i've told her earlier im gonna used it this morning..

and she asked me to use the other car..

well, NO.. i can't drive that car.. im not confident to do so..
and i don't think im up to it.. to drive that big car..

as lately, i think my sight is getting worse.. and i drove pretty cautiously each day going to work and back from work..

when i told the chairman im not capble of attending the small gathering, she was quite upset.. and i guess, angry (in a way) with me..

huhu.. cone to think about it.. why did i first choose and vow to commit to this short gathering each week..?

i dont know what can i say to defend myself any longer..

its my 'fault' i guess...~

12 April 2011

"Seorang lelaki telah menemui Rasulullah lalu berkata: Aku berjanji setia kepada engka untuk berhijrah dan berjihad demi mendapatkan pahala daripada Allah SwT. Rasulullah saw bertanya: Apakah salah seorang daripada ibu bapa kamu masih hidup? Lelaki itu menjawab: Ya, ada. Nabi bertanya: Engkau hendak mendapatkan pahala daripada Allah? Lelaki itu menjawab:Ya. Nabi bersabda: "Pulanglah engkau ke pangkuan ibu bapamu! Elokkan persahabatan dengan mereka berdua" (Muttafa'alaih)"


setiap kali aku membaca hadis ini, mesti aku bertanya kepada diri, betulkah jalan yang aku pilih untuk lalui ini..
ibu bapa vs jihad..

well, in a way, benda ini adalah seperti jihad juga..
dan hari ini, salah sorang sahabat aku telah membantu aku menguraikan erti hadis ini pada masa kini..
antara beberapa orang aku tanya, hanya sorang sahaja sudi berkongsi buah fikirannya kepada aku..
jazakillah khyr buat sahabat ini..

09 April 2011

in the ear of my cats vs humans..

i have 2 cats.. similar in a way.. cause they are brothers..
the difference between them is their tail..

so when i see both of them, i need to look first at its tail.. before calling them.. although i think, they like to pretend they can't here me..
because when i call them, they refuse to answer.. either by coming or just by looking back..

my mum and i conclude, they have selective hearing.. when they want something, such as food or just a head path, then they will quickly respond to their name..

such cute cats.. :)

this make me look at the society around..

people actually have this selective hearings as well..
they only choose to listen or hear to people they choose or when they want something back in return..

when people hear news or given a word of advice.. he or she can choose whether to listen or to ignore..

they hear thru their ears, but not with their heart.. and this i call as selective hearing..

so, we can decide weather we are among the ones who only listen to things with their ears, or we want to be the one who listen with their hearts..

04 April 2011

today my head feels like exploding, while my body felt like fainting.. huhu..
perhaps becoz i took caffeine 2 days in a row.. friday and saturday..