for the past few days.. i came realize that i'm not suit to drive...
been driving for the past 7 years..
why does this realization came to me today..?
well, as today, when i was driving back home, it was raining heavily, and i got stuck in a heavy traffic..
and my head started pounding..
i couldn't look clearly and focus..
which is bad for me and other road users..

this brought me to think back when i was in secondary school, perhaps in either from 2 or form 3.. (2000-2001)
there come a time when i was prostrating in my prayer, as my forehead touches the ground, the pain started to build in my head, and caused a real pain.. it happen till the end of my form 3 in that school..
when i moved to another boarding school for my upper secondary education, i couldn't recall whether the 'pain' was still attacking in each of my prostration or it was gone..

later, when i was in my preparation education for the Univ, i was bitten my some mosquitoes there and got dengue fever from it.. and after this dengue attack, the attack on my head was gone.. (2004)

about 3 years i was free from any pain in the head.. until in 2007, the attack started once again.. and then i knew what had been causing it before in the former years..
just several years later, when i was appointed to meet a neurologist, what was the reason for all these weird symptoms that had been attacking me..

well, its a beautiful plan lay out by The All Mighty..
He knew i was too innocent back then in 2000-2001 to understand the reason for the attack, which is why He did not guide my guts to inform my mum about it.. as if i were to do it back then, i would have known about the disease i was in.. and believe me, knowing that one have any disease that others rarely got, will somehow affect the emotional state inside and will effect the person capabilities of doing the things that he/she was used to..
this is a confession from me, who had undergo this emotional state when i knew later about this disease at the age of 20..
which was still hard to get control of it even though im no longer a kid when i was exposed to the knowledge..

and now, i have to get myself to control it and overcome this feelings of overwhelmed..
each time i feel lay down.. i need to remind myself, the abundance of gifts that were bestowed to me and cherish my life all these years, as compare to others, who are not pour with the ni'mat..